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Allan's Perspective

The Sane Middle-Ground!

Posted April 24, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, your long suffering reporter is ever grateful that I don’t suffer from all the common mental disorders that afflict a large portion of our population! Yes boys and girls, we are slowly being consumed by our insane religious and political beliefs …, and I can’t see any way of stopping it! There are the […]

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Allan's Perspective

Left vs. Right!

Posted April 23, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks I don’t know what it is with left wing fanatics, but they seem to be a little un-hinged at the best of times! Speaking at a town hall in Nanaimo, B.C. on April 13, Elizabeth May, the federal Green Party leader and MP for Saanich-Gulf Islands called the Prime Ministers Office “a $10-million-a-year partisan […]

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Allan's Perspective

It’s the old farts who are really dangerous!

Posted April 22, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Ladies and Gentlemen, it’s the old folks who are the real menace on our highways, not the teenagers! Don’t believe me, the next time ya see someone with their turn signal on for ten miles ………………., drive up beside them, and who do you think it will be? Or how about the guy in front […]

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Allan's Perspective

Can we make an entire University administration our “Assholes of the Day?”

Posted April 21, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Dear Readers: Enough has been said about the debacle at University of Regina, and how they tried to shut up a anti-abortion protester by having him arrested, that I don’t think my two cents worth will add or subtract significantly from the discussion. HOWEVER, the tendency, especially among our academic institutions, to muzzle free speech […]

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Allan's Perspective

Happy Easter!

Posted April 20, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Happy Easter everyone! (Boy, they sure got a strange way of celebrating it down in the States!) This being an important religious weekend for Christians and Jews, President Obama took a break from his typically-partisan Saturday radio address to offer Easter and Passover greetings. Then, Sen. Lamar Alexander, on behalf of the Republican Party, gave […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies # 43

Posted April 20, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Two medical students were walking along the street when they noticed an old man. He was walking slowly with his legs spread apart. He looked stiff. One of them said, “I’m sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome.” The other said, “No, I don’t think so. He has Zovitzki Syndrome because he walks slowly […]

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Allan's Perspective

Saturday Morning Confusion: What population explosion?

Posted April 19, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks we got it all wrong. There is no population explosion! (Matter of fact, it’s the exact opposite bunky.) Look at it THIS WAY! Every person alive today has two parents. But they have four grandparents. And sixteen grandparents. SEE WHERE I’M GOING WITH THIS? We are getting less people with each generation, and with […]

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Allan's Perspective

Bill.

Posted April 18, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

By Martin Howard It began like most other nights at the Lauret Nursing Home. The sound of my footsteps filled the stark, empty hallway as I did my rounds. I had heard the orderlies refer to this area as the “vegetable patch” and their characterization wasn’t too far off. What may not be public knowledge […]

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Allan's Perspective

A politician, a cop and a pharmacist walk into a pot farm …!

Posted April 18, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

It’s no joke: Ex-health minister George Smitherman, a retired deputy chief of Toronto police, and a Markham druggist are applying to open a medical marijuana facility in Durham Region. The trio — a veritable dream team in the medical marijuana industry — secured a property in Durham Region with about 16,000 square feet of serviceable […]

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Allan's Perspective

This will drive ya crazy!

Posted April 17, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Anne Marie Hayes, president of a non-profit organization called Teens Learn to Drive, says that as a parent, she would not want her daughter in a vehicle with an instructor who had had his teaching licence revoked in the past three years. Folks, do ya remember “Drivers-Ed” back in high school? Well, it’s still around…………….., […]

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Allan's Perspective

Wynne: “Asshole of the day!”

Posted April 16, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Premier Kathleen Wynne’s brother-in-law has been named the interim chief executive of e-Health Ontario, a move that raised the hackles of New Democrats at Queen’s Par. Folks, after everything that has happened to the Liberals in Ontario, this sort of thing does not surprise me! It doesn’t matter what the circumstances are: It doesn’t matter […]

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Allan's Perspective

SNOW!

Posted April 15, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

The weather office has predicted cold temperatures and snow for Southern Ontario, so I got up this morning and GUESS WHAT! (If there is no post on this site for 24 hours it means I have committed suicide!) —————————————————————- Hey folks, put THIS in your pipe and smoke it! What if the United States has […]

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Bizarre/Oddities

“Missing Link” Discovered!

Posted April 13, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Great news from the Perspective Research Department folks. Rumour has it that we are about to make a giant leap forward in our knowledge of early computer games. Far from Raiders of the Last Ark, a team of archeologists, sociologists and gaming fans plans to dig up a New Mexico landfill this month in search […]

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Beliefs and Causes

Biologists Confirm God Evolved From Chimpanzee Deity!

Posted April 13, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Researchers say today’s Lord Almighty shares many traits in common with the chimp deity, including color vision and omniscience. O. K, FOLKS, IT’S SUNDAY ……………………, AND TIME FOR ANOTHER DOSE OF RELIGION! The only problem is…….., are we talking about “Planet of the Apes?” The Onion! BERKELEY, CA—Challenging long-held views on the origins of divinity, […]

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Allan's Perspective

Saturday Morning Confusion About XL Pipeline!

Posted April 12, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Dear Readers: First of all we have some news from the town of Kitimat, way out in the wilds of British Columbia. You know about Kitimat, that’s the place where the XL pipeline is supposed to feed into a marine terminal for shipping oil overseas! Well, the tree huggers have been poring all sorts of […]

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Allan's Perspective

Having kids is hereditary……………….., and dangerous!

Posted April 11, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

In this photo taken on Aug. 12, 2004, Ben Van Houten, left, and his wife, Amy, pose for a family portrait with their six children at their home in Hamilton. Ben Van Houten suffered a fatal heart attack Wednesday night after playing on a trampoline with his kids! ————————————— SPEAKING OF KIDS! When I was […]

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Allan's Perspective

Rob Ford: Why does the term “white trash” keep coming to mind?

Posted April 10, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

The more I hear about Rob Ford, the more the term “white trash” comes to mind! One of the first members of Rob Ford’s campaign team is the co-host of an online marijuana show, High F—ers, in which he smokes joints until he vomits, tells profane stories while high, and dedicates his drug use to […]

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Allan's Perspective

How to tell a black man from a nigger at a party!

Posted April 9, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Well folks, it’s that time again! We have to get a few things straight! First of all, a simple test to tell (as the title says) “How to tell a black man from a nigger at a party! There are 6 blacks and 6 niggers in this collection. Your job is to figure out who […]

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Allan's Perspective

Will the real Pierre Peladeau please step forward!

Posted April 9, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

After the surprising news in this week’s Quebec election I was going to look up that guy who owns Quebecor, (Pierre Peladeau) and see what he is all about…., since he is now rumoured to be the next P.Q. big shot! After reading a bunch of stuff about him that didn’t make much sense, I […]

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Allan's Perspective

Andromeda …………..WOW!

Posted April 8, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Dear Readers: This fascinated me when I first saw it …………………………., and I think it might impress you too! The Andromeda Galaxy (our closest neighbour) is really big in the sky, but is too dim for us to see without a telescope. BUT! If it was BRIGHTER, this is what it would look like in […]

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Allan's Perspective

A cheesy story, if ever there was one!

Posted April 8, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

STOP THE PRESSES, BACK UP THE TRUCK …..,, GATHER ROUND KIDS! (We got a cheesy story for ya!) Le Baluchon, a cheese from Quebec, has been named “cheese of the year” in the inaugural Canadian Cheese Awards. The cheese, from Fromagerie FX Pichet in Sainte-Anne-de-la-Perade, Que., won in the competition, which featured 76 producers from […]

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Allan's Perspective

Ontario “Beer Store” Against Alcohol Sales in Grocery Stores!

Posted April 7, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

(World curling champion and Beer Store manager Glenn Howard appears in a TV ad opposing the sale of alcohol in convenience stores and gas stations.) Ontario “Beer Store” Against Alcohol Sales in Grocery Stores: OF COURSE THEY ARE! The “Beer Store” has got a monopoly now, kids ……………………., so naturally they are going to fight […]

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Humour

Sunday Morning Funnies #76

Posted April 6, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

1. EstherHarshom What’s green and eats nuts? Syphilis. 2. VildereKlovn Somebody stole my mood ring and I’m not quite sure how I feel about that. – Tracy Jordan 3. ChrisLikesSoda So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere… 4. azembala I just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome. It was pretty […]

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Allan's Perspective

The next step in “Political Correctness” is here!

Posted April 6, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, we got trouble in River City! Or at least in the University of River city! For any of you that thought “political correctness” was stupid, GET A LOAD OF THIS! University students have come up with an even more bizarre and asinine concept called “TRIGGER WARNINGS!” (That’s right kids, from now on, anytime a […]

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Allan's Perspective

North Americans Don’t Care About Climate Change Any More Than They Did in 1979!

Posted April 6, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, just over one-third of north Americans worry “a great deal” about climate change, down one percent from 1989. That despite nearly every other climate change metric — temperatures, sea levels, carbon dioxide concentration, and major storms — continuing to steadily increase. By Philip Bump Gallup released the new data on Friday, noting that Canadians and Americans show […]

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Allan's Perspective

Saturday Morning Confusion About Rob Ford Reality Show!

Posted April 5, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

STOP THE PRESSES FOLKS: An American production company wants to record the everyday life of Rob Ford, Toronto’s crack-smoking half-mayor, and turn him into a reality television star. Ford might be the perfect reality television star! The Globe and Mail‘s Ann Hui reports that Pilgrim Studios, the company responsible for The Ultimate Fighter, American Chopper, Dirty […]

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AIDS

AIDS is not a gay disease?

Posted April 4, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Dear Readers: We here at BlogsCanada.ca printed this a few months ago ………, due to some mail we received from various members of the gay community claiming that AIDS was NOT a gay disease!!! There seems to be a lot of debate lately over whether AIDS is predominately a homosexual disease, or not! The reason […]

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Allan's Perspective

Canada, eh!

Posted April 4, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

1. People in Churchill leave their car doors unlocked in case their neighbours need to make a quick escape from polar bears. 2. There’s also a prison for polar bears who break into peoples’ homes for food. Flickr: ankakay / Via Creative Commons 3. No cows in Canada are given artificial hormones for milk production. […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sarnia police are a bunch of lying S.O.B.s !

Posted April 4, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

I haven’t really mentioned this here on my blog because it would sound too much like sour grapes, but a recent development has prompted me to re-think my silence. Let’s start at the beginning. (This is how I have managed to put the whole thing together from various sources, including my son, his lawyer, and […]

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Allan's Perspective

The Vodka Song: I’ll Drink to That!

Posted April 3, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Dear Readers. Leave it to the NDP to propose stupid shit like THIS: Ontario’s NDP wants the province’s government-run liquor stores to suspend sales of Russian vodka due to the international crisis in Ukraine. New Democrat Cheri DiNovo is expected to table a motion today in response to Russia’s seizure of Crimea. (We think Cheri […]

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Allan's Perspective

Olivia Chow sets her agenda!

Posted April 2, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Well folks, she’s finally done it! To further identify with her late husband, Jack Layton, Olivia has grown a mustache! THEN, in the tradition of Dennis Miller and all things socialist, Olivia has announced her agenda for the fall election as Mayor of Toronto! Aside from the usual taxes and spending, Ms. Chow has re-asserted […]

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Allan's Perspective

April Fools Day?

Posted April 1, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

TODAY IS APRIL FOOLS DAY! The origins of April Fools’ Day, known for its tricks and pranks, are rather murky. One likely explanation is April Fools was “a hazing ritual” to welcome spring, said Alex Boese, curator of the website Museum of Hoaxes. Many cultures celebrated the beginning of the new season with “mischief, misbehavior […]

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Allan's Perspective

Nazi’s should not have sex with black people!

Posted March 31, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Dear Readers: See this woman? (You know her as the film industry’s Kitty Blair, star of the intrepid porn tale Kitty Discovers Sperm!) Kitty is also a candidate and spokesperson for a German right wing Nazi party known as the National Democratic Party of Germany. Only problem is that she was caught this week having sex […]

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Allan's Perspective

Quebec Real Estate on Hold Until After Election!

Posted March 30, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

(PLEASE NOTE QUEBEC’S POST-REFERENDUM SHAPE ………….., IT ACQUIRED LABRADOR, BUT LOST THE SOUTH SHORE!) The Quebec election has real-estate agents on both sides of the Quebec-Ontario border agreeing on one thing: the market is on hold as home buyers await the outcome. Realtors say a Parti Quebecois majority on April 7 would likely result in […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies #94

Posted March 30, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Time for another batch of funnies, boys and girls! ———————————– A thoughtful Scottish Husband was putting his coat and hat on to make his way down to the local pub, He turned to his wee wife before leaving and said, ‘ Abigail – put your hat and coat on, lassie.’ She replied, ‘Awe Dearheart, that’s […]

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Allan's Perspective

Saturday Morning “Earth Day” Confusion!

Posted March 29, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, I’m not a die hard tree hugger, so I’m turning my lights out for an hour between 2 – 3:00 P.M. today! ————————————————– Remember that kid molester in Thailand who thought he could avoid detection by “swirling” his face as a disguise…………………, only to find out they “un-swirled” his picture and caught him? WELL, […]

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Allan's Perspective

“We’re doing this work, so that you don’t have to see the filth that we see.”

Posted March 28, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

They work anonymously to scrub the Internet of the most graphic and disturbing material. Images and videos depicting child pornography, war-zone atrocities and animal abuse are some of the things they’re paid to view on a regular basis. They look at it so we don’t have to. But who are these digital do-gooders? They’re Internet […]

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Commentary

Ten Little Indians!

Posted March 27, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Dear Readers: I have stated many times in the past that I am NOT a racist. I don’t like, or dislike, anyone according to their RACE! I am, however, a CULTURALIST! There are certain cultures that have outlived their usefulness and/or relevance …….., or they are never going to do their members any favours! The […]

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Commentary

Enough with winter, already!

Posted March 26, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

The Maritimes are beautiful in the summer folks, but God help you if you’re there in the winter! A storm, which could be the worst of the season, is expected to hit the East Coast late this morning and continue through the night. During the day 20 to 30 centimeters is expected and a further […]

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Beliefs and Causes

England going down the tubes, Muslim’s on the rise!

Posted March 25, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Dear Readers: Yesterday we had an article about what is going on in England with the Muslim’s and Sharia law. We don’t seem to realize the seriousness of the situation folks, or it’s ramifications for us here in North America, because, believe me kids, what is going on in England right now will happen right […]

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