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clown17 Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies # 43

Two medical students were walking along the street when they noticed an old man. He was walking slowly with his legs spread apart. He looked stiff. One of them said, “I’m sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome.” The other said, “No, I don’t think so. He has Zovitzki Syndrome because he walks slowly […]

5649570632_37c4b118db_z Allan's Perspective

Saturday Morning Confusion: What population explosion?

Folks we got it all wrong. There is no population explosion! (Matter of fact, it’s the exact opposite bunky.) Look at it THIS WAY! Every person alive today has two parents. But they have four grandparents. And sixteen grandparents. SEE WHERE I’M GOING WITH THIS? We are getting less people with each generation, and with […]

imagesH8QR5OD9 Allan's Perspective

Bill.

By Martin Howard It began like most other nights at the Lauret Nursing Home. The sound of my footsteps filled the stark, empty hallway as I did my rounds. I had heard the orderlies refer to this area as the “vegetable patch” and their characterization wasn’t too far off. What may not be public knowledge […]

untitled Allan's Perspective

A politician, a cop and a pharmacist walk into a pot farm …!

It’s no joke: Ex-health minister George Smitherman, a retired deputy chief of Toronto police, and a Markham druggist are applying to open a medical marijuana facility in Durham Region. The trio — a veritable dream team in the medical marijuana industry — secured a property in Durham Region with about 16,000 square feet of serviceable […]

anne_marie_hayes_2_jpg_size_xxlarge_promo Allan's Perspective

This will drive ya crazy!

Anne Marie Hayes, president of a non-profit organization called Teens Learn to Drive, says that as a parent, she would not want her daughter in a vehicle with an instructor who had had his teaching licence revoked in the past three years. Folks, do ya remember “Drivers-Ed” back in high school? Well, it’s still around…………….., […]

asshole trophy Allan's Perspective

Wynne: “Asshole of the day!”

Premier Kathleen Wynne’s brother-in-law has been named the interim chief executive of e-Health Ontario, a move that raised the hackles of New Democrats at Queen’s Par. Folks, after everything that has happened to the Liberals in Ontario, this sort of thing does not surprise me! It doesn’t matter what the circumstances are: It doesn’t matter […]

images Allan's Perspective

SNOW!

The weather office has predicted cold temperatures and snow for Southern Ontario, so I got up this morning and GUESS WHAT! (If there is no post on this site for 24 hours it means I have committed suicide!) —————————————————————- Hey folks, put THIS in your pipe and smoke it! What if the United States has […]

untitled Bizarre/Oddities

“Missing Link” Discovered!

Great news from the Perspective Research Department folks. Rumour has it that we are about to make a giant leap forward in our knowledge of early computer games. Far from Raiders of the Last Ark, a team of archeologists, sociologists and gaming fans plans to dig up a New Mexico landfill this month in search […]

700.hq Beliefs and Causes

Biologists Confirm God Evolved From Chimpanzee Deity!

Researchers say today’s Lord Almighty shares many traits in common with the chimp deity, including color vision and omniscience. O. K, FOLKS, IT’S SUNDAY ……………………, AND TIME FOR ANOTHER DOSE OF RELIGION! The only problem is…….., are we talking about “Planet of the Apes?” The Onion! BERKELEY, CA—Challenging long-held views on the origins of divinity, […]

untitled Allan's Perspective

Saturday Morning Confusion About XL Pipeline!

Dear Readers: First of all we have some news from the town of Kitimat, way out in the wilds of British Columbia. You know about Kitimat, that’s the place where the XL pipeline is supposed to feed into a marine terminal for shipping oil overseas! Well, the tree huggers have been poring all sorts of […]

sextuplets_jpg_size_xxlarge_promo Allan's Perspective

Having kids is hereditary……………….., and dangerous!

In this photo taken on Aug. 12, 2004, Ben Van Houten, left, and his wife, Amy, pose for a family portrait with their six children at their home in Hamilton. Ben Van Houten suffered a fatal heart attack Wednesday night after playing on a trampoline with his kids! ————————————— SPEAKING OF KIDS! When I was […]

Project1 Allan's Perspective

Rob Ford: Why does the term “white trash” keep coming to mind?

The more I hear about Rob Ford, the more the term “white trash” comes to mind! One of the first members of Rob Ford’s campaign team is the co-host of an online marijuana show, High F—ers, in which he smokes joints until he vomits, tells profane stories while high, and dedicates his drug use to […]

imagesSV3P46G7 Allan's Perspective

How to tell a black man from a nigger at a party!

Well folks, it’s that time again! We have to get a few things straight! First of all, a simple test to tell (as the title says) “How to tell a black man from a nigger at a party! There are 6 blacks and 6 niggers in this collection. Your job is to figure out who […]

untitled Allan's Perspective

Will the real Pierre Peladeau please step forward!

After the surprising news in this week’s Quebec election I was going to look up that guy who owns Quebecor, (Pierre Peladeau) and see what he is all about…., since he is now rumoured to be the next P.Q. big shot! After reading a bunch of stuff about him that didn’t make much sense, I […]

very_interesting_photos_40 Allan's Perspective

Andromeda …………..WOW!

Dear Readers: This fascinated me when I first saw it …………………………., and I think it might impress you too! The Andromeda Galaxy (our closest neighbour) is really big in the sky, but is too dim for us to see without a telescope. BUT! If it was BRIGHTER, this is what it would look like in […]

image Allan's Perspective

A cheesy story, if ever there was one!

STOP THE PRESSES, BACK UP THE TRUCK …..,, GATHER ROUND KIDS! (We got a cheesy story for ya!) Le Baluchon, a cheese from Quebec, has been named “cheese of the year” in the inaugural Canadian Cheese Awards. The cheese, from Fromagerie FX Pichet in Sainte-Anne-de-la-Perade, Que., won in the competition, which featured 76 producers from […]

image Allan's Perspective

Ontario “Beer Store” Against Alcohol Sales in Grocery Stores!

(World curling champion and Beer Store manager Glenn Howard appears in a TV ad opposing the sale of alcohol in convenience stores and gas stations.) Ontario “Beer Store” Against Alcohol Sales in Grocery Stores: OF COURSE THEY ARE! The “Beer Store” has got a monopoly now, kids ……………………., so naturally they are going to fight […]

clown17 Humour

Sunday Morning Funnies #76

1. EstherHarshom What’s green and eats nuts? Syphilis. 2. VildereKlovn Somebody stole my mood ring and I’m not quite sure how I feel about that. – Tracy Jordan 3. ChrisLikesSoda So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere… 4. azembala I just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome. It was pretty […]

imagesJJWLVQ2J Allan's Perspective

The next step in “Political Correctness” is here!

Folks, we got trouble in River City! Or at least in the University of River city! For any of you that thought “political correctness” was stupid, GET A LOAD OF THIS! University students have come up with an even more bizarre and asinine concept called “TRIGGER WARNINGS!” (That’s right kids, from now on, anytime a […]

lead_large Allan's Perspective

North Americans Don’t Care About Climate Change Any More Than They Did in 1979!

Folks, just over one-third of north Americans worry “a great deal” about climate change, down one percent from 1989. That despite nearly every other climate change metric — temperatures, sea levels, carbon dioxide concentration, and major storms — continuing to steadily increase. By Philip Bump Gallup released the new data on Friday, noting that Canadians and Americans show […]


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General

Pot goes to pot!

Posted  April 20, 2014  by  Allan W Janssen

Well folks, they’ve recalled cars, they’ve recalled meat and other groceries, they’ve recalled appliances, cribs, stupid stuff and weird stuff! But this is the first time they recalled POT! That’s right kids, “don’t smoke the Purple Kush.” That’s the message Health Canada is sending out to medical marijuana users across the country after issuing its […]

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Drugs

Pot-friendly state of Colorado celebrates its first legalized 4/20

Posted  April 20, 2014  by  Associated Press

By Nicholas Riccardi DENVER – Once the province of activists and stoners, the traditional pot holiday of April 20 has gone mainstream in the first state in the nation to legalize recreational marijuana. Tens of thousands gathered for a weekend […]

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Westwood canters to win in Malaysia to end two-year drought

Posted  April 20, 2014  by  Sports News Headlines - Yahoo! News

Britain's Lee Westwood hits his tee shot on the second hole during the final round of the Masters golf tournament at the Augusta National Golf Club in Augusta(Reuters) – A four-hour weather delay was the only obstacle for Lee Westwood as the Englishman cantered to a seven-stroke win in the European Tour’s Malaysian Open on Sunday to end an almost two-year trophy drought. The former world number one, leading by a stroke ahead of compatriot Andy Sullivan, carded a bogey-free final round of four-under-par 68 for a four-day total of 18-under. Austrian Bernd Wiesberger (67), South African Louis Oosthuizen (68) and Belgian Nicolas Colsaerts (70) finished tied for the second spot at 11-under. Once the 27-year old Sullivan found water at the second hole for a triple bogey seven, there was no catching Westwood, whose last triumph came at the 2012 Nordea Masters in Sweden.

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Teenage Head singer’s proposed memorial statue causes controversy in Hamilton

Posted  April 20, 2014  by  Marc Weisblott

The legacy of the Hamilton, Ont. punk band Teenage Head has arguably never received proper due — which is something that a local musician and a mayoral candidate hoped to change with a monument to its late singer. But the backlash […]

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Westwood wins Malaysian Open

Posted  April 20, 2014  by  Sports News Headlines - Yahoo! News

KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia (AP) — Lee Westwood ended a two-year winless drought with a seven-shot victory at the Malaysian Open on Sunday.

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Hamilton wins third straight F1 race at Chinese GP

Posted  April 20, 2014  by  Sports News Headlines - Yahoo! News

F1 Grand Prix of ChinaSHANGHAI (AP) — Mercedes driver Lewis Hamilton captured his third straight Formula One race with ease on Sunday, leading from start to finish to win the Chinese Grand Prix.

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies # 43

Posted  April 20, 2014  by  Allan W Janssen

Two medical students were walking along the street when they noticed an old man. He was walking slowly with his legs spread apart. He looked stiff. One of them said, “I’m sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome.” The other said, “No, I don’t think so. He has Zovitzki Syndrome because he walks slowly […]

Full Story »

 
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General

Pope Francis draws 150K to Easter Sunday prayers for peace in Ukraine, Syria and Nigeria

Posted  April 20, 2014  by  Associated Press

VATICAN CITY – Celebrating Easter Sunday, Christianity’s most joyous and hopeful day, Pope Francis prayed for peace in Ukraine and Syria and for an end to the terrorist attacks in Nigeria that have targeted so many Christians. More than 150,000 […]

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Hawks take 1-0 lead by rolling past Pacers 101-93

Posted  April 20, 2014  by  Sports News Headlines - Yahoo! News

Indiana Pacers' Lance Stephenson (1) is defended by Atlanta Hawks' Kyle Korver during the first half in Game 1 of an opening-round NBA basketball playoff series on Saturday, April 19, 2014, in Indianapolis. (AP Photo/Darron Cummings)INDIANAPOLIS (AP) — Atlanta’s Jeff Teague demolished the Pacers’ grand playoff plan.

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Pope Francis, huge crowd joyously celebrate Easter

Posted  April 20, 2014  by  Staff

VATICAN CITY – Pope Francis is celebrating Christianity’s most joyous day, Easter Sunday, under sunny skies in St. Peter’s Square. Even before Mass began, a crowd of more than 100,000 was overflowing from the cobblestoned square. Many more Romans, tourists … Continue Reading

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Canada

Easter Message from Elizabeth May

Posted  April 20, 2014  by  Anonymous

On behalf of the GPC, staff and volunteers, I want to wish you and yours a Happy Easter. For those who are not religious, Easter is a great long weekend marking the beginning of a long-awaited spring.

For practicing Christians, Easter marks Christ’s resurrection – the foundational event of Christianity and the source of deep faith and trust. To all who observe Easter as the most sacred day in the Christian calendar, Let us raise our voices in a shared “Hallelujah! He is Risen, indeed!” 

- Elizabeth May, O.C., MP
Member of Parliament, Saanich­­–Gulf Islands,
Leader, Green Party of Canada

 

Contact: 

Nicholas Gall
Communications Officer
Green Party of Canada
(613) 614 4916
nicholas.gall@greenparty.ca

 

#Easter Message from @ElizabethMay

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Canada

Mental health funding chopped for refugees

Posted  April 20, 2014  by  Anonymous

VANCOUVER – Months after his mother was murdered by gang gunfire, Mauricio Osorto recognized he would be next if he didn’t escape Honduras. He abandoned his life as a university teacher and lawyer who shared his mother’s law practice to … Continue Reading

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