Folks we got it all wrong. There is no population explosion! (Matter of fact, it’s the exact opposite bunky.) Look at it THIS WAY! Every person alive today has two parents. But they have four grandparents. And sixteen grandparents. SEE WHERE I’M GOING WITH THIS? We are getting less people with each generation, and with […]
There has been a lot of attention of late to what moves on Canada’s rails. Train derailments, disasters such as Lac-Mégantic and near-disasters, such as the railcars loaded with toxic diluents that were suspended on a crumbling bridge over the Bow River during the June Calgary floods, have focused on the threat of unsafe rail […]
Folks, we got trouble in River City! Or at least in the University of River city! For any of you that thought “political correctness” was stupid, GET A LOAD OF THIS! University students have come up with an even more bizarre and asinine concept called “TRIGGER WARNINGS!” (That’s right kids, from now on, anytime a […]
Dear Readers: See this woman? (You know her as the film industry’s Kitty Blair, star of the intrepid porn tale Kitty Discovers Sperm!) Kitty is also a candidate and spokesperson for a German right wing Nazi party known as the National Democratic Party of Germany. Only problem is that she was caught this week having sex […]
Today, for the first time in many years, we are no longer stuck in a hole called Afghanistan. Your much maligned reporter keeps saying we should just build a fence around the Middle-East and only take it down after everyone there has regained their senses, or killed themselves off, but we both know this is […]
The United States, in fact the entire world lost a great man when Pete Seeger died on January 27th of this year. I was away and missed the news, only learning of the folk music legend’s passing yesterday. For some reason I’ve been on someth…
Re Kerry Refuses To Be Forced Into Early Keystone XL Decision (Jan. 18): You reference President Barack Obama’s commitment to action on climate change as “vague vows.” In fact, in June, 2013, by executive order to avoid gridlock in Congress, Mr. Obama announced a very specific plan. The list of measures is impressive: new standards […]
We deserve an energy plan, a climate plan, and the new industrial revolution of clean-tech and renewables. The first step is for Harper to get out of the way. By Green Party Leader Elizabeth May, Green MP Bruce Hyer What is an environmental issue? However you define it, Harper is against it. “Environment” means different […]
Lac Megantic, Alberta, North Dakota, New Brunswick…it seems we can’t go a week these days without a train tragedy happening involving rail cars carrying crude oil. A buddy of mine brought this up, given that I’m admittedly something of a conspi…
When businesses raise money through the issuance of securities, they are subject to securities laws that govern this process. Private placement markets or “exempt” markets are exactly that, a way for businesses to be exempt from some of these laws and still raise the funds they need to grow. An example of a market exemption [...]
What if a woman working in the public service wears a head scarf because of hair loss due to something like chemotherapy? Is that head scarf okay because it doesn’t have any religious significance? Could a Muslim woman claim that the head covering she is wearing is about fashion and has nothing to do her faith?
Have you heard of a “Bitcoin” and wonder what it is? Bitcoins are an electronic currency that change hands virtually without a central brick and mortar bank, and not backed by any government. Each Bitcoin user has a Bitcoin wallet app, this allows you to pay or transfer your Bitcoins using your smarphone. You can also transfer [...]
The Community Economic Development Investment Fund (CEDIF) program has operated for more than 12 years in Nova Scotia and during this time has evolved through the commitment of four organizations: the Nova Scotia Departments of Economic and Rural Devel…
Rome needs someone to lead, well Gordie is the man you need representing God. I will help the Vatican deal with many of the thorny issues it is now confronting.
Under my Papacy all those who bring forward allegations of abuse against RC priests will receive financial compensation. In fact I will take whatever amount is asked for and triple it. Some might scoff and claim this initiative will lead to bogus claims of abuse, and it probably will. But there was this guy a few years back who said something about giving to everyone who asks and to walk three miles when asked to go one. I think his name was Jesus. Will this bankrupt the church? Quite likely, and that brings me to the second plank in my Papal platform.
Cleaning up corruption
As everyone knows, money is always at the root of corruption scandals, even in churches. Get rid of the money and there’s no incentive to engage in nefarious scheming. Emptying the coffers and selling off buildings, real estate, relics and anything else of value to compensate for priests who sexually abused children will mean there is precious little do ré mi left.
Back when the Bible was being written a prohibition on homosexuality made sense. God’s directive back in ancient times was to be fruitful and multiply, which is hard to do for a species such as ours if those being fruitful are doing it in a, errr…fruity way. Now however there is no such imperative, and let’s face it, in the animal kingdom God created, homosexuality is rampant. Even with Pitt Bulls: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/gay-pitbull-saved-death-article-1.1252264.
As noted previously, the be fruitful and multiply directive came out when the Earth’s population numbered just two, Adam and Eve. Under my leadership the Holy See will declare ‘Mission Accomplished’ on this whole multiplying idea. At seven billion or so I think we’ve overachieved on God’s plan, so condoms and birth control pills for all. Sorry but I don’t know how to pilot a fighter jet, so I won’t be able to do the GW Bush thing and land on an aircraft carrier to make this announcement. Instead well hang a vertical ‘Mission Accomplished’ banner from the obelisk in St. Peter’s square, a fitting gesture given that its a phallic symbol after all.
So there ya have it boys, the new and improved Roman Catholic Church as led by Pope Gordie. I’ll resign once the church is broke, provided you agree to replace me with a woman.
A candidate who speaks, reads and writes English perfectly will have a decided advantage over his French only competitor, although right now French is still essential in most of Quebec outside of Montreal.
The most common New Year’s resolutions are of course health related, but let’s not forget our financial health too. To help get you started in 2013 I put into practice the top tips to reduce household spending. I am excited to share my results and I encourage you to give them a try. Below are the tips with [...]