It’s time for Fifa World Cup Soccer news, kids! Host Brazil is moving on to the semifinals of the World Cup after beating fellow heavyweight Colombia 2-1 in a game that had its share of suspect calls. As Matthew Cowley noted there were a total of 51 fouls in this match, which made the whole […]
May 2013 Newsletter Celebrate Elizabeth’s Birthday! Our Elizabeth has a big birthday June 9th 2014. She is turning a vibrant and intellectually brilliant 60 years young! Thousands of us want to tell her how much she means to us, how effectively she expresses our values and aspirations in Ottawa and how much we appreciate her […]
April 2014 Newsletter 1. What are your plans for Earth Day? 2. Wade Davis event – Do you have your tickets? 3. There’s still time to weigh in on Unfair Elections Act 4. Elizabeth May’s 60th Celebration 5. Lyme disease – what you need to know 6. Vehicle replacement strategies a hot topic at recent […]
Folks, this is wrong on so many levels that I hardly know where to begin! Why this wasn’t one of the main election issues is totally beyond me, but then again, people just seem naturally reticent about asking for my opinion about stuff………, and that’s why I started this “Blog!” SO! How do I begin? […]
Well folks, since the Ontario election is just two days away, I thought it was a good time for this story! While walking down the street one day a Member of Parliament is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. ‘Welcome […]
Yesterday, at a University of Reading demonstration in London, a computer convinced human judges that it was actually a 13-year-old Ukrainian boy. By convincing one-third of the judging panel of its humanity, it became the computer ever to pass the famous Turing Test. ` The Turing Test is a controversial test invented by Alan Turing […]
OK folks, here’s the scene: The engineer in charge of that train in blew up in Lac-Megantic last year has been charged! BUT! That’s not the reason for this article bunky! OH NO! NOW! HERE’S THE RUB, KIDS, AND WHY THESE COPS ARE OUR “ASSHOLES OF THE DAY!” The train engineer knew the cops were […]
Folks, what people believe, and what the truth of the matter is, can very often be two different things! Here are some examples of just how ridiculous beliefs can be! Those Boko Haram Islamists believe that a round earth is a Western conspiracy………., as is evolution, immunizations, and Western education. (Including the fact that rain […]
Dear Readers: Don’t say we never say anything nice about Islam, or Muslims in general. We are telling right here that they are NOT responsible!CONTRARY TO SOME REPORTS, THIS IS NOT A MUSLIM CONSPIRACY TO GET RID OF NON-HALAL MEATS, FOLKS! (See our article on British Subway sandwich shops!) —————————————————————– Our “Asshole of the day” […]
WELL FOLKS, IT’S OFFICIAL: “No new rats found at Alberta landfill plagued by rodents!” That’s right kids, not one new rat found in the dump ………………., according to a just completed survey, it’s still all the old rats that are there! (Once again folks, REMEMBER, ya heard it here first!) Read more: http://www.ctvnews.ca/canada/no-new-rats-found-at-alberta-landfill-plagued-by-rodents-1.1801382#ixzz30YlbAu5O ————————————– Well […]
Folks we got it all wrong. There is no population explosion! (Matter of fact, it’s the exact opposite bunky.) Look at it THIS WAY! Every person alive today has two parents. But they have four grandparents. And sixteen grandparents. SEE WHERE I’M GOING WITH THIS? We are getting less people with each generation, and with […]
There has been a lot of attention of late to what moves on Canada’s rails. Train derailments, disasters such as Lac-Mégantic and near-disasters, such as the railcars loaded with toxic diluents that were suspended on a crumbling bridge over the Bow River during the June Calgary floods, have focused on the threat of unsafe rail […]
Folks, we got trouble in River City! Or at least in the University of River city! For any of you that thought “political correctness” was stupid, GET A LOAD OF THIS! University students have come up with an even more bizarre and asinine concept called “TRIGGER WARNINGS!” (That’s right kids, from now on, anytime a […]
Dear Readers: See this woman? (You know her as the film industry’s Kitty Blair, star of the intrepid porn tale Kitty Discovers Sperm!) Kitty is also a candidate and spokesperson for a German right wing Nazi party known as the National Democratic Party of Germany. Only problem is that she was caught this week having sex […]
Today, for the first time in many years, we are no longer stuck in a hole called Afghanistan. Your much maligned reporter keeps saying we should just build a fence around the Middle-East and only take it down after everyone there has regained their senses, or killed themselves off, but we both know this is […]
The United States, in fact the entire world lost a great man when Pete Seeger died on January 27th of this year. I was away and missed the news, only learning of the folk music legend’s passing yesterday. For some reason I’ve been on someth…
Lac Megantic, Alberta, North Dakota, New Brunswick…it seems we can’t go a week these days without a train tragedy happening involving rail cars carrying crude oil. A buddy of mine brought this up, given that I’m admittedly something of a conspi…
What if a woman working in the public service wears a head scarf because of hair loss due to something like chemotherapy? Is that head scarf okay because it doesn’t have any religious significance? Could a Muslim woman claim that the head covering she is wearing is about fashion and has nothing to do her faith?
Rome needs someone to lead, well Gordie is the man you need representing God. I will help the Vatican deal with many of the thorny issues it is now confronting.
Under my Papacy all those who bring forward allegations of abuse against RC priests will receive financial compensation. In fact I will take whatever amount is asked for and triple it. Some might scoff and claim this initiative will lead to bogus claims of abuse, and it probably will. But there was this guy a few years back who said something about giving to everyone who asks and to walk three miles when asked to go one. I think his name was Jesus. Will this bankrupt the church? Quite likely, and that brings me to the second plank in my Papal platform.
Cleaning up corruption
As everyone knows, money is always at the root of corruption scandals, even in churches. Get rid of the money and there’s no incentive to engage in nefarious scheming. Emptying the coffers and selling off buildings, real estate, relics and anything else of value to compensate for priests who sexually abused children will mean there is precious little do ré mi left.
Back when the Bible was being written a prohibition on homosexuality made sense. God’s directive back in ancient times was to be fruitful and multiply, which is hard to do for a species such as ours if those being fruitful are doing it in a, errr…fruity way. Now however there is no such imperative, and let’s face it, in the animal kingdom God created, homosexuality is rampant. Even with Pitt Bulls: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/gay-pitbull-saved-death-article-1.1252264.
As noted previously, the be fruitful and multiply directive came out when the Earth’s population numbered just two, Adam and Eve. Under my leadership the Holy See will declare ‘Mission Accomplished’ on this whole multiplying idea. At seven billion or so I think we’ve overachieved on God’s plan, so condoms and birth control pills for all. Sorry but I don’t know how to pilot a fighter jet, so I won’t be able to do the GW Bush thing and land on an aircraft carrier to make this announcement. Instead well hang a vertical ‘Mission Accomplished’ banner from the obelisk in St. Peter’s square, a fitting gesture given that its a phallic symbol after all.
So there ya have it boys, the new and improved Roman Catholic Church as led by Pope Gordie. I’ll resign once the church is broke, provided you agree to replace me with a woman.
A candidate who speaks, reads and writes English perfectly will have a decided advantage over his French only competitor, although right now French is still essential in most of Quebec outside of Montreal.