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Allan's Perspective

Bad Blood and Great Tits!

Posted August 3, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

(FROM THE CELEBRITY GOSSIP PAGES: Folks, is it my imagination, or is Bieber starting to look spaced-out?) Some sort of a wild free-for-all, or insult fest, or punch-up and put-down brewing between a bunch of Hollywierd celebrities! The main beef is between Justin Belieber and Orlando Bloomer, with a touch of Leonardo CeCrappio, a few […]

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Celebrities

12 Monkeys in #Toronto

Posted July 29, 2014 by James Hamilton

Amanda Schull films on Bay Street with Rick Hoffman during production of the new series 12 Monkeys. The movie stars Aaron Stanford, Amanda Schull, Kirk Acevedo, Emily Hampshire and Noah Bean.Based on the 1995 movie of the same name, which starred Brad …

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Allan's Perspective

They missed their Target, folks!

Posted July 21, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

There is a rumour that Target Stores, after just 18 months here in Canada, (And over 1 BILLION dollars in loses) is going to pull the plug, pull up stakes, and pull out, as in “coitus interruptus!” Yup, they just might pull a fast one …………….., and split! ——————————————- How’s THIS for bullshit supreme?During all […]

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Allan's Perspective

Happy Canada Day!

Posted July 2, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

A lot of talk in the local, and national media about moving the July 1st holiday to the nearest weekend! Great Idea: We need long weekends in May, June, July, August and September, folks! (And then a mini-vacation between Christmas and New year!)http://www.stthomastimesjournal.com/2014/07/02/should-canada-day-remain-july-1-or-nearest-weekend-to-that-date ————————————————————— Cattle rustling is alive and well in S.W. Ontario, folks!THIS GUY […]

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Allan's Perspective

Ya can’t get there from here!

Posted June 26, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Do you remember that TV commercial where a guy is trying to give directions to someplace or other, and after several attempts he scratches his head and says: “Ya can’t get there from here!” Funny eh? NO! It happened to me in real life today! The main intersection of downtown Byron, (which is a small […]

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Allan's Perspective

Ya, but is she really nuts? Or just faking it?

Posted June 19, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Well, just a few days after Hillary Clinton was in Toronto for a book signing tour, the Republican National Committee has deployed a giant squirrel to follow Hillary Clinton around the country on the book tour for hew new memoir, Hard Choices, mocking her potential 2016 presidential run with the message that, quote, “another Clinton […]

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Allan's Perspective

I’m not at all confused about Saturday morning!

Posted June 14, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Nope, everything is as “right as rain” if you will pardon the expression. Yesterday was the famous “Friday the 13th” motorcycle rally in Port Dover, Ontario, and as usual, tens of thousand of bikers gathered for the event. Even the rain didn’t seem to deter the hard-core bikers, as the streets of Port Dover filled […]

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Allan's Perspective

All is fair in love and war….and politics!

Posted June 13, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Down in the U.S, of A. it looks more and more as if Hillary Clinton will run for the Presidency in 2016. Just to show you how nasty the Republicans can be, they’re sticking to their story that Hillary got brain damage when she bumped her head a few months ago! (I can tell ya […]

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Allan's Perspective

Not all holes are assholes, but some are!

Posted May 29, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Kimberley Big Hole – South Africa – Apparently the largest ever hand-dug excavation in the world, this 1,097 meter deep mine yielded over 3 tons of diamonds, before being closed. Folks: These holes are not only amazing, but some are really terrifying – Especially the final one ! The sheer scale of these holes reminds […]

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Allan's Perspective

Armageddon is closer than we think!

Posted May 7, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Well kids, today we are either going to educate you …………… or bore you. Depends on what you consider important! ——————————– Folks, it is a human tendency to NOT worry about, or plan, for a world wide disaster that is surely coming. Oh, there’s the danger of nuclear war, global warming, mass starvation, a world-wide […]

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Allan's Perspective

Pure Sterling!

Posted April 30, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

(You might note that after all the trouble he got into the other day, this jerk is sitting with his wife, and NOT his girlfriend, today!) Folks, I was going to drop the whole Donald Sterling thing after yesterday’s comments, but this stupid story has taken on a life of its own. All these people […]

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Allan's Perspective

Outrage vs. Ignorance! A Truly Sterling Performance!

Posted April 29, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, the Sterling scandal has taken on a life of its own, and is getting far too much attention…………………, much more than it deserves! With this in mind I am going to make a few comments, and then never mention the subject again. First of all: Donald Sterling made those unfortunate, stupid and racist remarks […]

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Allan's Perspective

Asshole of the Year: Police Chief Bill Blair!

Posted April 25, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

(Chief Blair checking to make sure nobody’s looking when he put James Forcillo back on duty!) Billy Boy Blair put the cop that “allegedly” executed that kid on the streetcar last year, (Sammy Yatim) back on duty! Really? Yup! THAT’S NUTS! O.K. I’ve got a scenario for you! Let’s say it wasn’t a cop (James […]

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Allan's Perspective

The Sane Middle-Ground!

Posted April 24, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, your long suffering reporter is ever grateful that I don’t suffer from all the common mental disorders that afflict a large portion of our population! Yes boys and girls, we are slowly being consumed by our insane religious and political beliefs …, and I can’t see any way of stopping it! There are the […]

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Allan's Perspective

This will drive ya crazy!

Posted April 17, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Anne Marie Hayes, president of a non-profit organization called Teens Learn to Drive, says that as a parent, she would not want her daughter in a vehicle with an instructor who had had his teaching licence revoked in the past three years. Folks, do ya remember “Drivers-Ed” back in high school? Well, it’s still around…………….., […]

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Allan's Perspective

Having kids is hereditary……………….., and dangerous!

Posted April 11, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

In this photo taken on Aug. 12, 2004, Ben Van Houten, left, and his wife, Amy, pose for a family portrait with their six children at their home in Hamilton. Ben Van Houten suffered a fatal heart attack Wednesday night after playing on a trampoline with his kids! ————————————— SPEAKING OF KIDS! When I was […]

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Allan's Perspective

A cheesy story, if ever there was one!

Posted April 8, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

STOP THE PRESSES, BACK UP THE TRUCK …..,, GATHER ROUND KIDS! (We got a cheesy story for ya!) Le Baluchon, a cheese from Quebec, has been named “cheese of the year” in the inaugural Canadian Cheese Awards. The cheese, from Fromagerie FX Pichet in Sainte-Anne-de-la-Perade, Que., won in the competition, which featured 76 producers from […]

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Allan's Perspective

The Vodka Song: I’ll Drink to That!

Posted April 3, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Dear Readers. Leave it to the NDP to propose stupid shit like THIS: Ontario’s NDP wants the province’s government-run liquor stores to suspend sales of Russian vodka due to the international crisis in Ukraine. New Democrat Cheri DiNovo is expected to table a motion today in response to Russia’s seizure of Crimea. (We think Cheri […]

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Allan's Perspective

Quebec Real Estate on Hold Until After Election!

Posted March 30, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

(PLEASE NOTE QUEBEC’S POST-REFERENDUM SHAPE ………….., IT ACQUIRED LABRADOR, BUT LOST THE SOUTH SHORE!) The Quebec election has real-estate agents on both sides of the Quebec-Ontario border agreeing on one thing: the market is on hold as home buyers await the outcome. Realtors say a Parti Quebecois majority on April 7 would likely result in […]

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Celebrities

“Rock Snot” Invasion!

Posted March 3, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

A Breaking story from the Naked News staff, folks. THE MARITIMES ARE BEING INVADED BY “ROCK SNOT!” New research reveals a nasty, mucus-like algae bloom that emerged in Eastern Canada in 2006 may not be an invasive species after all. Instead, it appears to be a native species that was once subdued by cooler temperatures, but is now proliferating […]

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Celebrities

Good Ship Lollipop Sinks!

Posted February 11, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Shirley Temple, the dimpled, curly-haired little girl who sang, danced, sobbed and grinned her way into the hearts of Depression-era moviegoers on the good ship lollipop, and then, because she was such a goody-two-shoes, had a non-alcoholic drink named after her, has died! According to publicist. she was 85. —————————————- The Canadian Olympic Committee has […]

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Celebrities

Half a century of the Beatles!

Posted February 9, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Grammy Award-winning musician/producer Nile Rodgers and Tad Kubler of The Hold Steady are the latest music and pop culture experts to join the first-ever CBS News Live Experiences event, “50 Years: The Beatles.” WATCH LIVE: “50 Years: The Beatles” Sun., Feb. 9, 6:30p ET/3:30p PT CBS News is marking the 50th anniversary of the Beatles‘ first American […]

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Celebrities

Neil Young is our “Asshole of the Week!”

Posted January 12, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Dear Readers: Neil young lives in a big house down in the States. Neil usually stays there until he wants something. Neil has decided he needs a bit of publicity to sell his records, so he came up to Canada, and is using his celebrity status to champion the environment and the Indians, (as all […]

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Celebrities

Ready for the Golden Globes on Sunday night?

Posted January 12, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

It’s time again for the glittering party that is the Golden Globe Awards. But what exactly are they? Reliable Oscar bellwether? Celebration of “the best and brightest of movies and television”? A chance to see Hollywood royalty drunk? The relatively loosey-goosey Globes tend to get much wilder and weirder than the Oscars (though they’re not […]

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