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Allan's Perspective

Kardashian speak with forked tongue!

Posted June 24, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Dear Readers: Your ever humble, and much maligned reporter weeps for society! POLITICAL CORRECTNESS has gripped our land and the nuts are running the show kids! Reality TV star Khloe Kardashian has sparked outrage online after sporting a traditional Native American headdress to her niece’s lavish birthday bash.Listen boys and girls, if some asshole can […]

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CBC

Steven & Chris Drink A Mummified Toe?

Posted September 18, 2014 by Sonya

The new season of Steven and Chris begins next week and is themed “Food Week” with the first episode featuring the entertaining couple facing a shocking dare that involves a mummified toe. Not too much freaks me out and I will […]

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Entertainment

New Frozen Short Film To Hit Theatres in 2015

Posted September 3, 2014 by Anonymous

Frozen fans, it’s time to belt out a celebratory “Let It Go.” Walt Disney Animation studios announced Tuesday that they will be releasing a follow-up to the animated mega-hit with a short film called Frozen Forever, set to be released by spring […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies!

Posted September 21, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, this one is so good it can hold the fort all on its own! The Goodnight Kiss One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. They are about to kiss each other goodnight, but the guy is feeling a little horny. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall […]

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Entertainment

Our Ten Favourite Celeb Ice Bucket Challenges

Posted August 22, 2014 by Anonymous

Is there anything better than celebrities getting behind a good cause? Only when that cause means they are pouring buckets of ice water on themselves! If you have yet to hear about the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, here it is […]

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Art

This Dad’s Chalk Art Puts Yours To Shame

Posted September 9, 2014 by Anonymous

I remember the days of writing my name in chalk on the sidewalk in front of my house. I would sometimes draw little house, the always popular hopscotch court, maybe flowers sometimes, or a bird if I was feeling adventurous. […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies #8

Posted June 29, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Why Parents Go Gray The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers, dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whisper, “Hello.” “Is your daddy home?” he asked. “Yes,” whispered the small voice. “May I talk […]

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Allan's Perspective

I’m Normal!

Posted July 8, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

So ya say that life is getting you down! Your wife is a bitch, and your son is a clown. The mother-in-law is crazy, and last night is real hazy! Even the job is the pits, and life is the shits! There’s no money to spend, and ya don’t have a friend! IS THAT WHAT’S […]

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Entertainment

#DILFsOfDisneyLand Is The Happiest Place On Instagram

Posted September 19, 2014 by Anonymous

I’ve written about Instagram before, and trust me, today won’t be the last time I write about it again. Actually, I have even written about cute dads on Instagram before. There is a new account that mixes three things I […]

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Allan's Perspective

Why not just kill the son-of-a-bitch!

Posted July 31, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

(Speaker Boehner and President Obama in happier times: Talking about golf. – Joshua Roberts/Reuters) Well folks, it’s getting REALLY strange down there in the good ol’ U. S. of A. To no one’s surprise, the House of Representatives has voted to approve a resolution (H. Res 676) authorizing Speaker John Boehner to sue the president […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies #79

Posted September 28, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

A few different views of marriage! It’s Nice to Have a Husband By Your Side Over the years, When the sink overflowed, Or the car ran out of gas, Or the lady who comes every Tuesday to clean didn’t come, Or I felt pudgy, Or misunderstood, Or inferior to Marilyn Kaufman who is not only […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies # 33 1/3

Posted August 24, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

These are actual complaints received by a local travel agency! 1. “I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts.” 2. “It’s lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallarta to close in the afternoons. I often needed to […]

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Entertainment

Face-Planting Boy Shows Us That, Yes, All Grown-Ups Are Boring

Posted September 10, 2014 by Anonymous

Ahh to be young with nary a care in the world. Just worry about what fun, awesome thing you are going to get to do next. Like, oh I don’t know, head to the White House and hang out with […]

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Allan's Perspective

Saturday Morning Confusion about SEX

Posted July 5, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

(Transgender woman (?) Avery Edison has filed two human rights complaints after being detained at a male-only facility when she was stopped at Toronto’s Pearson International Airport in February, 2014.) Folks, we have a conundrum here, and your ever helpful reporter is not only going to solve it ………….., I am also going to offer […]

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Allan's Perspective

Saturday Morning Confusion #17

Posted July 19, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, a lot of confusion about stuff like climate change, evolution, and a whole bunch of other scientific issues lately! This article discusses how equal time is not really appropriate for a clearly false or uninformed position! The metaphor that a coin has two sides is a powerful one, and the temptation to look at […]

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General

Confessions of a Co-Sleeper

Posted August 25, 2014 by Sara

When you become a mom, everyone has those statements that they lay on you.  You know the ones that you nod politely at, smile and in your head are calling bullshit. A. It’ll go so smoothly after six weeks. B. […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies #77

Posted August 3, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Our teacher asked me what my favorite animal was, and I said, “Fried chicken.” She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies #3 1/4

Posted October 5, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

(Some more funnies to brighten your Sunday morning kids!) Modern Day Chain Letter (from Readers Digest) Dear Friend, This chain letter was started by a woman like yourself, in hope of bringing relief to tired, disconnected women. Unlike most chain letters, this one does not cost you anything. Just send a copy of this letter […]

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Allan's Perspective

Asshole of the Year: Heather Mallick

Posted August 26, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, I don’t read the Toronto Star because I’m by nature a ‘sort-of-conservative,’ and they are far too red for me! As a result I wasn’t aware of who Heather Mallick was ….., or some of the insane drivel this broad writes about in her columns! (She was brought to my attention when I got […]

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General

Ready, Aim, Pee?

Posted September 8, 2014 by Sara

As a single mother of a boy, I’ve mentioned before that I had a few “guy” things that I was worried about when it comes to raising him. #1 on the list: who was going to teach him how to […]

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Allan's Perspective

Islamy a Muslim, or not?

Posted July 11, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

From the Perspective Naked News Department comes a story out of the United States that shows Americans really are a clueless bunch. You’ve already heard that a good percentage of these geniuses don’t believe in evolution, and that the Universe is only 6000 years old, BUT …….., on top of not being born in the […]

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Comedy

You should go see ‘Rulers of the Universe’ at Toronto Fringe

Posted June 17, 2014 by Justin Beach

I’ll be the first to admit that Toronto has too many sketch troops. If there was a tax on sketch comedy, Rob Ford could build a subway to his cottage. If sketch troops were banned, traffic congestion would immediately end. Personally, I blame Second City for it. With that said, the law of averages says
read more

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Entertainment

Little Girls Drop F-Bombs For Feminism

Posted October 22, 2014 by Anonymous

Several potty-mouthed little princesses make it clear that gender inequality needs to f*cking end in advocacy T-shirt company FCKH8.com’s shocking viral video. It’s not every day that you hear adorable little girls swearing like truckers, but in FCKH8.com’s new charity […]

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Allan's Perspective

Bad Blood and Great Tits!

Posted August 3, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

(FROM THE CELEBRITY GOSSIP PAGES: Folks, is it my imagination, or is Bieber starting to look spaced-out?) Some sort of a wild free-for-all, or insult fest, or punch-up and put-down brewing between a bunch of Hollywierd celebrities! The main beef is between Justin Belieber and Orlando Bloomer, with a touch of Leonardo CeCrappio, a few […]

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Allan's Perspective

And a banana for your monkey!

Posted October 7, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Now here’s a case straight out of “Planet of the Apes,” or perhaps a poster child for the group “people for the ethical treatment of animals!” (PETA) The case of Tommy the pet chimpanzee goes back to court this week, and a group of judges could decide whether he should be recognized as a “person” […]

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Entertainment

Ice Water Shower Brings Out The Sailor In This Toddler

Posted August 27, 2014 by Anonymous

Toddlers are a lot like parrots in their ability to repeat the words they hear without knowing what they actually mean. Sometimes we forget toddlers have this unique ability until they surprise us with an astonishing and/or embarrassing echo of […]

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Entertainment

Little Girl Meets Obama, Disappointed Surprise Guest Wasn’t Beyonce

Posted September 12, 2014 by Anonymous

Kids just aren’t all that impressed with President Barak Obama these days. First we had that boy do a full on face-plant into his sofa at the White House (because why not) and now this. On Thursday, President Obama and […]

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Allan's Perspective

Saturday Morning Confusion about what’s real, and what isn’t!

Posted July 12, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, dinosaurs don’t exist anymore. So why did Steven Spielberg kill a triceratops? Facebook fans didn’t realize that Jay Branscomb was joking when he posted a “disgraceful” photo of a “despicable man” (Namely director Steven Spielberg) posing with a poached triceratops. One Facebook commenter who was in the dark about the animal’s extinction wrote: “Disgusting! […]

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Allan's Perspective

Ford the Junkie?

Posted July 3, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, all the local and national media outlets in Canada are suggesting that it’s time for Rob Ford to get out of politics ……….., but let’s face it, deep down they’re really glad he’s back! (Rob also said yesterday that he has tried a lot of different drugs, but never did heroin. Well, let’s face […]

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Entertainment

Ice Water Shower Brings Out The Sailor In This Toddler

Posted August 27, 2014 by Anonymous

Toddlers are a lot like parrots in their ability to repeat the words they hear without knowing what they actually mean. Sometimes we forget toddlers have this unique ability until they surprise us with an astonishing and/or embarrassing echo of […]

Full Story »

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Allan's Perspective

What an Asshole!

Posted August 4, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, our “Asshole of the Day!” award couldn’t go to a more deserving candidate! BRANDON, Man. – Searchers who have been trying to rescue a cat with a bird feeder stuck on its head in Manitoba say their efforts to trap the hapless animal are being sabotaged. The Brandon and Area Lost Animals group began […]

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Allan's Perspective

Ya had to be there!

Posted October 15, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Two hillbillies walked into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talked about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table who is eating a sandwich, began to cough. After a minute or so, it became apparent that she was in real distress. One of the hillbillies looked at her and […]

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Entertainment

Dad Wins The Internet By Filming Daughter Taking Silly Selfies

Posted August 27, 2014 by Anonymous

We’ve all been guilty of taking a selfie or two. But teens these days take the cake for being downright obsessed with snapping pictures of themselves. As a parent or innocent bystander, watching them take selfies can be incredibly annoying, but […]

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Art

This Dad’s Chalk Art Puts Yours To Shame

Posted September 9, 2014 by Anonymous

I remember the days of writing my name in chalk on the sidewalk in front of my house. I would sometimes draw little house, the always popular hopscotch court, maybe flowers sometimes, or a bird if I was feeling adventurous. […]

Full Story »

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies: Michael Jackson

Posted July 12, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

O.K. 1. Michael Jackson is dead. That’s not funny! 2. These guys went on a binge last night. That’s not funny either! But! What they did this morning with the empty beer bottles is a whole different matter! 3. ——————————————————— Two Scottish nuns in Glasgow sat at a traffic light in their car when a […]

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General

WTF: Kate Moss

Posted October 29, 2014 by Jessica

Annabel's party 

In case you ever found yourself wondering when Kate Moss was going to go Full Crackpot: The answer is, “last night.” Read More …

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies # 77

Posted October 19, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Late last fall, the Indians on the Aamjiwnaang First Nation reservation in Grand Bend asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn’t tell […]

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Allan's Perspective

Beans, beans they’re good for your heart……..!

Posted August 5, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Beans, beans they’re good for your heart. Beans beans they make ya fart. So eat some beans at every meal, the more you eat, the better you feel! Dear Readers: Canned beans are convenient because you can cook them right out of the can, but they may not be as healthy for you as soaking […]

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Entertainment

Second Graders Treated to Gourmet, Seven-Course Tasting Menu at Fancy New York Restaurant

Posted October 17, 2014 by Anonymous

Last month, six second graders from a Brooklyn school were treated to a seven-course tasting menu at French restaurant Daniel, one of New York’s most upscale restaurants. The meal was worth a total of $220 (per person!), but the kids […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies #71

Posted August 31, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

                           

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