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Allan's Perspective

Kardashian speak with forked tongue!

Posted June 24, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Dear Readers: Your ever humble, and much maligned reporter weeps for society! POLITICAL CORRECTNESS has gripped our land and the nuts are running the show kids! Reality TV star Khloe Kardashian has sparked outrage online after sporting a traditional Native American headdress to her niece’s lavish birthday bash.Listen boys and girls, if some asshole can […]

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Allan's Perspective

Yul Brenner back as Thai King!

Posted June 1, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Things are better…….. and worse, over in Thailand today! Thailand’s military government sent thousands of troops and police into central Bangkok on Sunday, stifling any mass dissent against the army’s coup on May 22 and limiting protesters to small gatherings held mostly around shopping malls. Other than that, the rest of the country seemed fairly […]

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Allan's Perspective

Now see here!

Posted August 15, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively […]

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Allan's Perspective

A Royal Pain!

Posted June 22, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Oh the burden of being ROYALTY! The monarchy has defended the cost of refurbishing a Kensington Palace apartment for Prince William, his wife Catherine and their baby son Prince George. A royal spokesman did not confirm the seven-figure cost — reportedly at £4 million — for repairs and refurbishments, but said the royal couple had […]

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Allan's Perspective

I’m Normal!

Posted July 8, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

So ya say that life is getting you down! Your wife is a bitch, and your son is a clown. The mother-in-law is crazy, and last night is real hazy! Even the job is the pits, and life is the shits! There’s no money to spend, and ya don’t have a friend! IS THAT WHAT’S […]

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Allan's Perspective

Let’s get to The Source!

Posted July 23, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

A couple of notes about the left and right wing media here in Canada this morning. (By right wing, I mean, of course, Sun News and Sun TV, while left wing is just about everybody else!) Although I don’t hear cries of “hidden agenda” lately, left wing coverage of the Conservatives, and especially Harper, continues […]

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Allan's Perspective

“Asshole of the Day” #42

Posted June 11, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

A man accused of killing his ex-girlfriend, carving up her body and scattering her remains around the Toronto area told a court on Tuesday that it was actually his mother who stabbed the woman to death. Jiang didn’t call police or an ambulance after the gruesome incident that took place in the basement of his […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies #63

Posted June 1, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

72 Facts That Will Actually Teach You Something 1. Chocolate milk was invented in Ireland. 2. You can’t breathe and swallow at the same time. 3. The girlfriend of the guy who founded Match.com left him for a man she met on Match.com. 4. This is what it looks like when a star meets a […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies #70

Posted August 17, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Our teacher asked me what my favorite animal was, and I said, “Fried chicken.” She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said […]

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Allan's Perspective

Saturday Morning Confusion #17

Posted July 19, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, a lot of confusion about stuff like climate change, evolution, and a whole bunch of other scientific issues lately! This article discusses how equal time is not really appropriate for a clearly false or uninformed position! The metaphor that a coin has two sides is a powerful one, and the temptation to look at […]

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Allan's Perspective

Stop, BANG, or I’ll shoot!

Posted July 24, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Well, well, just like dash cameras lessened incidents of violence during police traffic stops, so too will personal cameras on individual cops alleviate many of the problems associated with “police officers” shooting and beating on civilians …………………….., whether they deserve it or not! That, combined with the judicious use of Tasers instead of guns, will […]

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Allan's Perspective

We got trouble in River City Folks!

Posted June 12, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, this is wrong on so many levels that I hardly know where to begin! Why this wasn’t one of the main election issues is totally beyond me, but then again, people just seem naturally reticent about asking for my opinion about stuff………, and that’s why I started this “Blog!” SO! How do I begin? […]

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Allan's Perspective

AH, SHIT!

Posted June 2, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

NOW HERE’S SOMETHING YA DON’T SEE EVERYDAY KIDS! A cross-country fight had to make an unscheduled landing when a service dog pooped twice in the aisle, sickening passengers with the odor. US Airways spokesman Andrew Christie said the May 28 US Airways flight from Los Angeles to Philadelphia had to make an unscheduled stop in […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies # 33 1/3

Posted August 24, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

These are actual complaints received by a local travel agency! 1. “I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts.” 2. “It’s lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallarta to close in the afternoons. I often needed to […]

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Allan's Perspective

Asshole of the Day! #244

Posted June 25, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, ya just can’t have it both ways, or all-ways, or always, or everything all at once! Or, as Stephen Wright says: “Ya can’t have everything ….., where would ya put it?” Which brings me to today’s :”Asshole of the Day!” First let me tell ya that London, Ontario has a high unemployment rate due […]

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Comedy

Don’t Know Which Comics to See At JFL42? We’re Here to Help!

Posted September 17, 2014 by Allison

JFL42 kicks off tomorrow, thus commencing 10 days of entertainment from some of the best comics in the business. This year’s line up as per usual has a stellar combo of big guns and up and coming guns. Sure, you may recognize most of the headliners, including Seth Meyers, Nick Offerman and Amy Schumer, but […]

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Allan's Perspective

Why not just kill the son-of-a-bitch!

Posted July 31, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

(Speaker Boehner and President Obama in happier times: Talking about golf. – Joshua Roberts/Reuters) Well folks, it’s getting REALLY strange down there in the good ol’ U. S. of A. To no one’s surprise, the House of Representatives has voted to approve a resolution (H. Res 676) authorizing Speaker John Boehner to sue the president […]

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Allan's Perspective

U.S. Invades Victoria!

Posted June 15, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Dear Readers: Victoria has a lot of tourists this weekend thanks to a visit from one of the world’s largest warships. The USS Nimitz is anchored near the Canadian navy base in Esquimalt near B.C.’s capital. The Nimitz is stopping in Victoria this weekend before conducting trials and testing at the Canadian military’s test range […]

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Allan's Perspective

This is not politically correct!

Posted June 4, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Dear Readers: Your long suffering reporter has often said that the entire “politically correct” crowd is nuts, and most of their ideas are insane. That’s right, not weird, or mis-guided, or min-informed, but just plain nuts! Here is why folks! The politically correct folks are going to have their knickers in a knot over this […]

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Allan's Perspective

Asshole of the Year: Heather Mallick

Posted August 26, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, I don’t read the Toronto Star because I’m by nature a ‘sort-of-conservative,’ and they are far too red for me! As a result I wasn’t aware of who Heather Mallick was ….., or some of the insane drivel this broad writes about in her columns! (She was brought to my attention when I got […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies #8

Posted June 29, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Why Parents Go Gray The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers, dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whisper, “Hello.” “Is your daddy home?” he asked. “Yes,” whispered the small voice. “May I talk […]

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Comedy

You should go see ‘Rulers of the Universe’ at Toronto Fringe

Posted June 17, 2014 by Justin Beach

I’ll be the first to admit that Toronto has too many sketch troops. If there was a tax on sketch comedy, Rob Ford could build a subway to his cottage. If sketch troops were banned, traffic congestion would immediately end. Personally, I blame Second City for it. With that said, the law of averages says
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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies #77

Posted August 3, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Our teacher asked me what my favorite animal was, and I said, “Fried chicken.” She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said […]

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Allan's Perspective

To hell with pipelines, let’s transport by rail!

Posted June 29, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Public interest in what is trundling by rail past their homes has ignited in the wake of the July 6, 2013, derailment in Lac-Megantic, Que., when a runaway oil train skipped the tracks and exploded, killing 47 people. That’s right folks, we need to keep the Environmentalists happy! Let’s not build any more pipelines ………………………., […]

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Allan's Perspective

A policeman’s lot is not a happy one!

Posted June 5, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Dear Readers: I have commented many times on the conduct of certain cops who abused their authority, were bullies, or just plain no good ………, but there is another side to this coin and we would like to address it here today! Being a cops is also a dangerous and demanding job that takes its […]

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General

The world according to Christy Clark. Keep your ibuprofen handy

Posted August 30, 2014 by Laila

H/t to one of RossK’s readers who posted this link over in the comments section at his site. Listening to the premier talk about her plans for the province is always entertaining, but where it gets really funny on this one is at … Continue reading

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Allan's Perspective

Saturday Morning Confusion about SEX

Posted July 5, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

(Transgender woman (?) Avery Edison has filed two human rights complaints after being detained at a male-only facility when she was stopped at Toronto’s Pearson International Airport in February, 2014.) Folks, we have a conundrum here, and your ever helpful reporter is not only going to solve it ………….., I am also going to offer […]

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Allan's Perspective

Ford the Junkie?

Posted July 3, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, all the local and national media outlets in Canada are suggesting that it’s time for Rob Ford to get out of politics ……….., but let’s face it, deep down they’re really glad he’s back! (Rob also said yesterday that he has tried a lot of different drugs, but never did heroin. Well, let’s face […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies # 117

Posted May 18, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

> A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her > girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy middle-aged > man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off > him. The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked > directly […]

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Allan's Perspective

Bad Blood and Great Tits!

Posted August 3, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

(FROM THE CELEBRITY GOSSIP PAGES: Folks, is it my imagination, or is Bieber starting to look spaced-out?) Some sort of a wild free-for-all, or insult fest, or punch-up and put-down brewing between a bunch of Hollywierd celebrities! The main beef is between Justin Belieber and Orlando Bloomer, with a touch of Leonardo CeCrappio, a few […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies # 22

Posted June 8, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

————-The Job Interview An office manager was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them one question and their answer would determine who would get the […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies #71

Posted August 31, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

                           

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Allan's Perspective

Islamy a Muslim, or not?

Posted July 11, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

From the Perspective Naked News Department comes a story out of the United States that shows Americans really are a clueless bunch. You’ve already heard that a good percentage of these geniuses don’t believe in evolution, and that the Universe is only 6000 years old, BUT …….., on top of not being born in the […]

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Allan's Perspective

The spam is in the mail!

Posted July 9, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Dear Readers: As promised, the new anti-spam laws are drastically cutting down on the number of spam messages we get in the mail every day! The only problem is that this law only applies to stuff from within Canada, so all the other shit just keeps right on coming! That’s right folks, all the mail […]

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Allan's Perspective

HOW! (Know “how”……, want to know when!)

Posted May 20, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

(Derek Nepinak, grand chief of the Assembly of Manitoba Chiefs speaks to the media with other Manitoba Chiefs Jan 10, 2013 in Ottawa Ont. ANDRE FORGET/QMI AGENCY) Folks, it’s time to give Indians a slap-upside-the-head again! Things seem to be going for a shit since Shawn Atleo left, and they don’t look to be getting […]

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Allan's Perspective

What an Asshole!

Posted August 4, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, our “Asshole of the Day!” award couldn’t go to a more deserving candidate! BRANDON, Man. – Searchers who have been trying to rescue a cat with a bird feeder stuck on its head in Manitoba say their efforts to trap the hapless animal are being sabotaged. The Brandon and Area Lost Animals group began […]

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Allan's Perspective

Gun Size Tied to Dick Size?

Posted June 8, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Well, folks, we finally did it! The Perspective Research Department, along with the Naked News staff, have finally found a direct correlation between guns and dick size! After years of study and conjecture, we began to realize that men in the NRA had a unusual, and unhealthy fascination ………, no, let’s make that OBSESSION, with […]

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Allan's Perspective

Obama takes the title of “Mr. Dithers!”

Posted September 2, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Dear Readers: We used to call Prime Minister Paul Martin “Mr. Dithers,” but due to recent events, we here at the Perspective Research Department think that President Obama has deservedly taken that tittle as his own. Of course, he is still deciding on whether he should pick up his trophy ………….., or not! ————————— Here’s […]

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Allan's Perspective

Saturday Morning Confusion about what’s real, and what isn’t!

Posted July 12, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, dinosaurs don’t exist anymore. So why did Steven Spielberg kill a triceratops? Facebook fans didn’t realize that Jay Branscomb was joking when he posted a “disgraceful” photo of a “despicable man” (Namely director Steven Spielberg) posing with a poached triceratops. One Facebook commenter who was in the dark about the animal’s extinction wrote: “Disgusting! […]

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General

Schmamergate and using irrelevancy as a weapon

Posted September 4, 2014 by MGK

I’ve been struck recently by how the “Gamergate” schmucks – and make no mistake, you are schmucks – seem determined to use absolutely irrelevant arguments to try and advance their stupid, frivolous cause. (And it is a stupid, frivolous cause. Game reviews do not merit a “-gate,” because they have been fundamentally crap for decades […]

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