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Mom For Hire: My Mommy Resume

Posted February 18, 2015 by Anonymous

I have been working for the same organization for the last ten years, so I haven’t spent a lot of time creating resumes. I wondered aloud about what I would put on my mommy resume to showcase the many skills I […]

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General

Where’s My Mother Of The Year Award?

Posted February 25, 2015 by Anonymous

It’s award show season and I’m just a teeny bit fed up of the red carpet. Maybe I’m just jealous because mine is only red in splotches from fruit punch. Maybe I’m waiting on my Mother of the Year award, […]

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Allan's Perspective

Saturday Morning Confusion #27,680

Posted March 21, 2015 by Allan W Janssen

Well folks, are ya confused enough yet? Then read on with these files from the Naked News Department: ————————————— Authorities in Minnesota say three would-be robbers picked the wrong time to pocket-dial 911. Blue Earth Sheriff’s Capt. Rich Murry says a dispatcher took the call early Thursday morning and heard two voices on the other […]

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Entertainment

Little Girls Drop F-Bombs For Feminism

Posted October 22, 2014 by Anonymous

Several potty-mouthed little princesses make it clear that gender inequality needs to f*cking end in advocacy T-shirt company FCKH8.com’s shocking viral video. It’s not every day that you hear adorable little girls swearing like truckers, but in FCKH8.com’s new charity […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies # 541

Posted January 4, 2015 by Allan W Janssen

1- I’m not saying let’s go kill all the stupid people. I’m just saying let’s remove all the warning labels and let the problem work itself out. 2- I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much faster now. 3- I can tell a lot about a woman’s mood […]

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Entertainment

Kids Are Becoming Narcissists & It’s All Our Fault

Posted March 12, 2015 by Anonymous

Not only are we making our kids materialistic, it seems we may also be turning them into narcissists. (Geeze, can’t we get anything right?!) A new study published in the journal PNAS found a direct correlation between narcissism in children […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies #2213

Posted November 23, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

The Male Cycle: When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big tits. When I was 16, I got a girlfriend with big tits, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with zest for life. In college I dated a passionate girl, […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies #31

Posted November 2, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Truly a miracle. According to the Bible, Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Palestine. A country where people are named Mohammed, Abdul, Mounir, Aziz, Ahmed, Farid, Omar, Youssouf, Mouloud, etc. And yet He managed to find 12 friends called John, Peter, Paul, Phillip, Mark, Thomas, Luke, Mathew, Andrew and Simon …… who all drank wine! […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies #3 1/4

Posted October 5, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

(Some more funnies to brighten your Sunday morning kids!) Modern Day Chain Letter (from Readers Digest) Dear Friend, This chain letter was started by a woman like yourself, in hope of bringing relief to tired, disconnected women. Unlike most chain letters, this one does not cost you anything. Just send a copy of this letter […]

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Allan's Perspective

Safari!

Posted March 24, 2015 by Allan W Janssen

A Husband and wife were on safari: Wife- If that cheetah catches that deer and kills it, I’m going to be absolutely heartbroken. Husband- that’s nature. Don’t go against it. Cheetah has to kill it to eat and survive. Wife- do something. Husband – what can I do? Wife- if the deer dies I’ll call […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies # 77

Posted October 19, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Late last fall, the Indians on the Aamjiwnaang First Nation reservation in Grand Bend asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn’t tell […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies #78

Posted December 7, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

The DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas , and talked withan old rancher. He told the rancher, “I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs.” The rancher said, “Okay, but don’t go in that field over there…..”, as he pointed out a distant location. The DEA officer verbally exploded, saying, ” […]

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Allan's Perspective

Tit for Tat!

Posted March 20, 2015 by Allan W Janssen

It all started when a woman got out of line inside an Athens convenience store, according to police. The 28-year-old man behind her moved up to the counter to pay for his purchases, he told police. But when the woman came back, she was irritated the man had moved ahead of her, and she let […]

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Allan's Perspective

Eat cheese, get laid!

Posted April 14, 2015 by Allan W Janssen

O.K. folks, read the following article, and then remember ……., ya heard it here first! A survey by dating social network site Skout, cheese heads get more action. Skout surveyed a total of 4,600 people. Grilled cheese yields more sex, better people! Thirty-two percent of grilled cheese lovers reported having sex at least six times […]

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Adult

Exclusive photo’s of Jian Ghomeshi on a date!

Posted October 31, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Dear Readers: Once again, ya saw it here first! After a great amount of trouble and expense, the Perspective Naked News staff , a branch of the Perspective Research Department, has managed to obtain this clip of Jian Ghomeshi on a recent date with one of the women now accusing him of assault. As you […]

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Allan's Perspective

And a banana for your monkey!

Posted October 7, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Now here’s a case straight out of “Planet of the Apes,” or perhaps a poster child for the group “people for the ethical treatment of animals!” (PETA) The case of Tommy the pet chimpanzee goes back to court this week, and a group of judges could decide whether he should be recognized as a “person” […]

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Entertainment

Dads Strap 33 Pounds To Themselves To Experience Pregnancy

Posted March 2, 2015 by Anonymous

3 Pregnant Dads: Week 1 from The Book of Everyone on Vimeo. Three dads have taken on the challenge of wearing 33lb pregnancy suits, the average weight of a full-term baby belly, to find out what it’s like to be an expectant […]

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General

5 Things I’ve Learned Today

Posted January 28, 2015 by Sara

This morning, Will taught me a couple things and I had an ‘a-ha’ parenting moment. I thought I’d take a minute to share because any one of these things could prove useful to you as you start your day. 1. […]

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Entertainment

Five Reasons Why We Kiss On New Year’s Eve

Posted December 31, 2014 by Anonymous

The day is finally here, the last day of 2014. And to celebrate, people around the world will be attending parties, watching fireworks, staying in and popping champagne. No matter what you are doing, there is one tradition that goes […]

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General

Why My Kid Is My Life Coach

Posted March 18, 2015 by Anonymous

Some people go to great lengths to find a life coach: someone who really understands and can help focus them to achieve their goals. I feel like I’m at a crossroad in my life and I was thinking I could […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies # 32

Posted April 12, 2015 by Allan W Janssen

A man turns to his wife in bed and whispers “Did you know it’s National Orgasm Day?” “Oh, what a pity,” she smiled, “Right in the middle of National Headache Week !!” ———————————— SENIOR TRYING TO SET PASSWORD WINDOWS: Please enter your new password: USER: cabbage WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 […]

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Entertainment

What Happens When You Give Kids Unlimited Candy?

Posted October 30, 2014 by Anonymous

All hell breaks loose, that’s what happens! As if we didn’t already know, kids + sugar = crazy times. But in an attempt to remind us all how important it is to keep our kids’ pearly whites clean during this […]

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Allan's Perspective

Goodbye!

Posted April 26, 2015 by Allan W Janssen

Dear Readers……., and friends! It has been an interesting time, as well as a time that saw major changes in my personal and working life, but now it is time to let others take on the responsibility of populating these pages with interesting and informative news and gossip. Ben Clarke is the new owner of […]

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Allan's Perspective

Saturday Morning Confusion # 477

Posted April 25, 2015 by Allan W Janssen

Dear Readers: There is a lot of confusion about whether Monty Python is really funny …………., or not! What I mean is that some sketches like “The dead Parrot” are among the funniest things I have ever seen, and some other stuff is just plain stupid. BUT. I have to admit that when they ARE funny, […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies! #7768

Posted November 16, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

THESE ARE ACTUAL COMPLAINTS RECEIVED BY “THOMAS COOK VACATIONS” FROM DISSATISFIED CUSTOMERS : 1. “I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts.” 2. “It’s lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallarta to close in the afternoons. I […]

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Entertainment

Watch As This 4-Year-Old Boy’s Dream Comes True

Posted December 9, 2014 by Anonymous

Cuteness overload. UPS has just released a commercial that is sure to bring all those happy tears to the surface. Carson is a four-year-old boy from Colorado Springs, CO and more than anything else in the world, Carson loves the […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies # 53

Posted March 15, 2015 by Allan W Janssen

A New Brunswick man was stopped by a game warden in Northern NB recently, with two ice chests full of live fish in water, leaving a river well known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, “Do you have a license to catch those fish?” “Naw, my friend, I ain’t got no license. […]

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General

She Lies To Me: A Parenting Anthem

Posted February 4, 2015 by Anonymous

Sometimes I think about what the soundtrack of my parenting. I admit that some days it would be that 54-40 hit, She Lies To Me. I always swore that I would never lie to my children. My parents lied to […]

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Entertainment

Professional Hockey Players Dress Up As The Cast Of Frozen

Posted October 28, 2014 by Anonymous

Say what you will about Frozen and “Let It Go”, but that movie has made a huge difference in the lives of children everywhere. Case in point, the kids at the Boston Children’s Hospital. Members of the Boston Bruins made […]

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Allan's Perspective

Ya had to be there!

Posted October 15, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Two hillbillies walked into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talked about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table who is eating a sandwich, began to cough. After a minute or so, it became apparent that she was in real distress. One of the hillbillies looked at her and […]

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Christmas

Reese Witherspoon Reveals Her Own Take On The “Wreath Witherspoon”

Posted December 26, 2014 by Anonymous

We love it when a celebrity can poke fun at themselves. Oftentimes, they seem so unattainable; but every now and then a celebrity steps forward and joins in on a bit of friendly teasing. Wild actress Reese Witherspoon did just […]

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General

The Life Lesson Class Is In!

Posted November 11, 2014 by Sara

If you haven’t figured it out by now, I’m constantly amazed by the stuff that comes out of Will’s mouth. My #1 wish is that I could take a peek inside of there and see what is driving that little […]

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Entertainment

2014: UrbanMoms’ Year In Review

Posted December 30, 2014 by Anonymous

As we approach a brand new year (can you believe we’re only three days away?), we wanted to take a look back at some of the biggest moments of 2014. So join us in a look back at the moments […]

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General

Grocery Shopping Alone: How Parenting Has Changed Me

Posted March 11, 2015 by Anonymous

The evidence was staring me right in the face. Parenting has changed me. It’s not just that I can’t respond to a question with “Everything is awesome” without getting that stupid song stuck in my head. Under “Things Mom Likes […]

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General

No Girls Allowed

Posted April 1, 2015 by Anonymous

“No girls allowed.” That’s what the sign said, propped up against the opening of my son’s makeshift fort. He was curled up in there with his Chromebook, a lamp and a bowl of snacks. He was in his “boy cave”, […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Evening Funnies!

Posted October 26, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Dear Readers: Your ever forgetful reporter had a bout of Al’s Heimers this morning and forgot to print the Sunday Morning Funnies, ……………… ! So I am doing it Sunday evening instead! Since Tomorrow is an election day in Ontario I thought this short story would be appropriate! And THIS, ladies and Gentlemen, brings us […]

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Entertainment

Second Graders Treated to Gourmet, Seven-Course Tasting Menu at Fancy New York Restaurant

Posted October 17, 2014 by Anonymous

Last month, six second graders from a Brooklyn school were treated to a seven-course tasting menu at French restaurant Daniel, one of New York’s most upscale restaurants. The meal was worth a total of $220 (per person!), but the kids […]

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General

Beepocalypse Now

Posted February 23, 2015 by kate@smalldeadanimals.com

What’s Going on With Canadian Honeybees? (h/t Kevin B)…

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Entertainment

Sitting Down With Cinderella: An Interview With Danielle Wade

Posted November 10, 2014 by Sonya

Ross Petty and his production team are getting ready for the 19th annual holiday family musical. We can’t wait to see what antics are in store in the new CINDERELLA, The Gags To Riches Family Musical. If you haven’t experienced a […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies #552

Posted December 28, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Dear Readers Now that Christmas is over and done with: IF YOU SAW A FAT MAN Who’s jolly and cute, Wearing a beard, and a red flannel suit, And if he is chuckling and laughing away, While flying around in a miniature sleigh, With eight tiny reindeer to pull him along, Then let’s face it… […]

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