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Allan's Perspective

Kardashian speak with forked tongue!

Posted June 24, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Dear Readers: Your ever humble, and much maligned reporter weeps for society! POLITICAL CORRECTNESS has gripped our land and the nuts are running the show kids! Reality TV star Khloe Kardashian has sparked outrage online after sporting a traditional Native American headdress to her niece’s lavish birthday bash.Listen boys and girls, if some asshole can […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies #3 1/4

Posted October 5, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

(Some more funnies to brighten your Sunday morning kids!) Modern Day Chain Letter (from Readers Digest) Dear Friend, This chain letter was started by a woman like yourself, in hope of bringing relief to tired, disconnected women. Unlike most chain letters, this one does not cost you anything. Just send a copy of this letter […]

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Allan's Perspective

Asshole of the Year: Heather Mallick

Posted August 26, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, I don’t read the Toronto Star because I’m by nature a ‘sort-of-conservative,’ and they are far too red for me! As a result I wasn’t aware of who Heather Mallick was ….., or some of the insane drivel this broad writes about in her columns! (She was brought to my attention when I got […]

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Allan's Perspective

Islamy a Muslim, or not?

Posted July 11, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

From the Perspective Naked News Department comes a story out of the United States that shows Americans really are a clueless bunch. You’ve already heard that a good percentage of these geniuses don’t believe in evolution, and that the Universe is only 6000 years old, BUT …….., on top of not being born in the […]

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Comedy

You should go see ‘Rulers of the Universe’ at Toronto Fringe

Posted June 17, 2014 by Justin Beach

I’ll be the first to admit that Toronto has too many sketch troops. If there was a tax on sketch comedy, Rob Ford could build a subway to his cottage. If sketch troops were banned, traffic congestion would immediately end. Personally, I blame Second City for it. With that said, the law of averages says
read more

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Entertainment

Little Girls Drop F-Bombs For Feminism

Posted October 22, 2014 by Anonymous

Several potty-mouthed little princesses make it clear that gender inequality needs to f*cking end in advocacy T-shirt company FCKH8.com’s shocking viral video. It’s not every day that you hear adorable little girls swearing like truckers, but in FCKH8.com’s new charity […]

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Allan's Perspective

Bad Blood and Great Tits!

Posted August 3, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

(FROM THE CELEBRITY GOSSIP PAGES: Folks, is it my imagination, or is Bieber starting to look spaced-out?) Some sort of a wild free-for-all, or insult fest, or punch-up and put-down brewing between a bunch of Hollywierd celebrities! The main beef is between Justin Belieber and Orlando Bloomer, with a touch of Leonardo CeCrappio, a few […]

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Allan's Perspective

And a banana for your monkey!

Posted October 7, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Now here’s a case straight out of “Planet of the Apes,” or perhaps a poster child for the group “people for the ethical treatment of animals!” (PETA) The case of Tommy the pet chimpanzee goes back to court this week, and a group of judges could decide whether he should be recognized as a “person” […]

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Entertainment

Ice Water Shower Brings Out The Sailor In This Toddler

Posted August 27, 2014 by Anonymous

Toddlers are a lot like parrots in their ability to repeat the words they hear without knowing what they actually mean. Sometimes we forget toddlers have this unique ability until they surprise us with an astonishing and/or embarrassing echo of […]

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Art

This Dad’s Chalk Art Puts Yours To Shame

Posted September 9, 2014 by Anonymous

I remember the days of writing my name in chalk on the sidewalk in front of my house. I would sometimes draw little house, the always popular hopscotch court, maybe flowers sometimes, or a bird if I was feeling adventurous. […]

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Allan's Perspective

Saturday Morning Confusion about what’s real, and what isn’t!

Posted July 12, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, dinosaurs don’t exist anymore. So why did Steven Spielberg kill a triceratops? Facebook fans didn’t realize that Jay Branscomb was joking when he posted a “disgraceful” photo of a “despicable man” (Namely director Steven Spielberg) posing with a poached triceratops. One Facebook commenter who was in the dark about the animal’s extinction wrote: “Disgusting! […]

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Allan's Perspective

Ford the Junkie?

Posted July 3, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, all the local and national media outlets in Canada are suggesting that it’s time for Rob Ford to get out of politics ……….., but let’s face it, deep down they’re really glad he’s back! (Rob also said yesterday that he has tried a lot of different drugs, but never did heroin. Well, let’s face […]

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Entertainment

Ice Water Shower Brings Out The Sailor In This Toddler

Posted August 27, 2014 by Anonymous

Toddlers are a lot like parrots in their ability to repeat the words they hear without knowing what they actually mean. Sometimes we forget toddlers have this unique ability until they surprise us with an astonishing and/or embarrassing echo of […]

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Allan's Perspective

What an Asshole!

Posted August 4, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, our “Asshole of the Day!” award couldn’t go to a more deserving candidate! BRANDON, Man. – Searchers who have been trying to rescue a cat with a bird feeder stuck on its head in Manitoba say their efforts to trap the hapless animal are being sabotaged. The Brandon and Area Lost Animals group began […]

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Allan's Perspective

Ya had to be there!

Posted October 15, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Two hillbillies walked into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talked about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table who is eating a sandwich, began to cough. After a minute or so, it became apparent that she was in real distress. One of the hillbillies looked at her and […]

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Entertainment

Dad Wins The Internet By Filming Daughter Taking Silly Selfies

Posted August 27, 2014 by Anonymous

We’ve all been guilty of taking a selfie or two. But teens these days take the cake for being downright obsessed with snapping pictures of themselves. As a parent or innocent bystander, watching them take selfies can be incredibly annoying, but […]

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Entertainment

Face-Planting Boy Shows Us That, Yes, All Grown-Ups Are Boring

Posted September 10, 2014 by Anonymous

Ahh to be young with nary a care in the world. Just worry about what fun, awesome thing you are going to get to do next. Like, oh I don’t know, head to the White House and hang out with […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies: Michael Jackson

Posted July 12, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

O.K. 1. Michael Jackson is dead. That’s not funny! 2. These guys went on a binge last night. That’s not funny either! But! What they did this morning with the empty beer bottles is a whole different matter! 3. ——————————————————— Two Scottish nuns in Glasgow sat at a traffic light in their car when a […]

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General

Recent Fugs: Kim Kardashian

Posted October 22, 2014 by heather

Kim Kardashian Kim Kardashian Kim Kardashian 

This was originally slated to run in the 8 a.m. spot, but… I just could not let this heinous menagerie sit that close to Mr. De La Renta’s work (editor’s note: this is because this was ALSO originally supposed to run on the same day as the OdlR retrospective; we had to push it for Reasons, but the Read More …

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies # 77

Posted October 19, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Late last fall, the Indians on the Aamjiwnaang First Nation reservation in Grand Bend asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn’t tell […]

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Allan's Perspective

Beans, beans they’re good for your heart……..!

Posted August 5, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Beans, beans they’re good for your heart. Beans beans they make ya fart. So eat some beans at every meal, the more you eat, the better you feel! Dear Readers: Canned beans are convenient because you can cook them right out of the can, but they may not be as healthy for you as soaking […]

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Entertainment

Second Graders Treated to Gourmet, Seven-Course Tasting Menu at Fancy New York Restaurant

Posted October 17, 2014 by Anonymous

Last month, six second graders from a Brooklyn school were treated to a seven-course tasting menu at French restaurant Daniel, one of New York’s most upscale restaurants. The meal was worth a total of $220 (per person!), but the kids […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies #71

Posted August 31, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

                           

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General

Ready, Aim, Pee?

Posted September 8, 2014 by Sara

As a single mother of a boy, I’ve mentioned before that I had a few “guy” things that I was worried about when it comes to raising him. #1 on the list: who was going to teach him how to […]

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Allan's Perspective

Adriana is a pain in the butt. No pun intended!

Posted July 13, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Dear Readers: My “girlfriend”writes me a letter every week or two ………………………….., so I thought I would share the latest with you! BABE… i guess your not getting any of my email huh? ive been tryign to email u so many times but this dam laptop is such a piece of garbage and keeps freezing.. […]

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General

How to make a beer can chicken

Posted April 9, 2013 by Darren

After nearly 6000 entries on this site, this is the first recipe I’ve ever posted. I learned how to make this from James. I subsequently showed…

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General

Confessions of a Co-Sleeper

Posted August 25, 2014 by Sara

When you become a mom, everyone has those statements that they lay on you.  You know the ones that you nod politely at, smile and in your head are calling bullshit. A. It’ll go so smoothly after six weeks. B. […]

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Allan's Perspective

Ya, but is she really nuts? Or just faking it?

Posted June 19, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Well, just a few days after Hillary Clinton was in Toronto for a book signing tour, the Republican National Committee has deployed a giant squirrel to follow Hillary Clinton around the country on the book tour for hew new memoir, Hard Choices, mocking her potential 2016 presidential run with the message that, quote, “another Clinton […]

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Allan's Perspective

Obama takes the title of “Mr. Dithers!”

Posted September 2, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Dear Readers: We used to call Prime Minister Paul Martin “Mr. Dithers,” but due to recent events, we here at the Perspective Research Department think that President Obama has deservedly taken that tittle as his own. Of course, he is still deciding on whether he should pick up his trophy ………….., or not! ————————— Here’s […]

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Entertainment

Little Girl Meets Obama, Disappointed Surprise Guest Wasn’t Beyonce

Posted September 12, 2014 by Anonymous

Kids just aren’t all that impressed with President Barak Obama these days. First we had that boy do a full on face-plant into his sofa at the White House (because why not) and now this. On Thursday, President Obama and […]

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Allan's Perspective

Shark!

Posted July 17, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

A video of a what appeared to be a bull shark swimming off of Wolfe Island in Lake Ontario has been revealed to be a marketing ploy for Discovery’s Channel’s Shark Week and its sponsor Nissan Rogue. The whole thing sounded a bit “fishy” to begin with folks, since sharks are salt water fish and […]

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Allan's Perspective

The spam is in the mail!

Posted July 9, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Dear Readers: As promised, the new anti-spam laws are drastically cutting down on the number of spam messages we get in the mail every day! The only problem is that this law only applies to stuff from within Canada, so all the other shit just keeps right on coming! That’s right folks, all the mail […]

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Entertainment

#DILFsOfDisneyLand Is The Happiest Place On Instagram

Posted September 19, 2014 by Anonymous

I’ve written about Instagram before, and trust me, today won’t be the last time I write about it again. Actually, I have even written about cute dads on Instagram before. There is a new account that mixes three things I […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies #95

Posted August 10, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, some days ya feel like a nut………….., some days ya don’t! There are times when I can look at something and think it is hilarious, and yet at other times ……., not so much! Some days I would say this was fairly funny, and yet when I looked at it this morning, it didn’t […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies #93

Posted June 22, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would […]

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Entertainment

New Frozen Short Film To Hit Theatres in 2015

Posted September 3, 2014 by Anonymous

Frozen fans, it’s time to belt out a celebratory “Let It Go.” Walt Disney Animation studios announced Tuesday that they will be releasing a follow-up to the animated mega-hit with a short film called Frozen Forever, set to be released by spring […]

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Art

This Dad’s Chalk Art Puts Yours To Shame

Posted September 9, 2014 by Anonymous

I remember the days of writing my name in chalk on the sidewalk in front of my house. I would sometimes draw little house, the always popular hopscotch court, maybe flowers sometimes, or a bird if I was feeling adventurous. […]

Full Story »

april01
Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies #672

Posted July 20, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland. Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision. Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision. Canadians: Negative. You will […]

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Allan's Perspective

Dick Cheney is a real Dick!

Posted June 20, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, I have said many times in the past that Dick Cheney is one person who who actually scares me! I can’t say he is totally evil since I don’t believe in the devil, but there is something fundamentally NASTY about him! And, after the disasters he got the United States into during Bush’s term, […]

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