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Allan's Perspective

Kardashian speak with forked tongue!

Posted June 24, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Dear Readers: Your ever humble, and much maligned reporter weeps for society! POLITICAL CORRECTNESS has gripped our land and the nuts are running the show kids! Reality TV star Khloe Kardashian has sparked outrage online after sporting a traditional Native American headdress to her niece’s lavish birthday bash.Listen boys and girls, if some asshole can […]

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Allan's Perspective

Saturday Morning Confusion: It’s all politics to me!

Posted April 26, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, while it has never been a gentleman’s game, at least politics was practiced with a certain degree of civility and decorum in the past. MY HOW THINGS HAVE CHANGED! It just occurred to me this morning that the veneer of respectability in politics is not only long gone, but despite the apparent differences, there […]

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Humour

Sunday Morning Funnies #98

Posted January 5, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Here’s a few stories for all you people going on vacation in the next few months! The following are accounts of actual exchanges between airline pilots and control towers from around the world: Put together by the Naked News staff! While taxiing the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies # 43

Posted April 20, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Two medical students were walking along the street when they noticed an old man. He was walking slowly with his legs spread apart. He looked stiff. One of them said, “I’m sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome.” The other said, “No, I don’t think so. He has Zovitzki Syndrome because he walks slowly […]

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Allan's Perspective

Islamy a Muslim, or not?

Posted July 11, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

From the Perspective Naked News Department comes a story out of the United States that shows Americans really are a clueless bunch. You’ve already heard that a good percentage of these geniuses don’t believe in evolution, and that the Universe is only 6000 years old, BUT …….., on top of not being born in the […]

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Comedy

You should go see ‘Rulers of the Universe’ at Toronto Fringe

Posted June 17, 2014 by Justin Beach

I’ll be the first to admit that Toronto has too many sketch troops. If there was a tax on sketch comedy, Rob Ford could build a subway to his cottage. If sketch troops were banned, traffic congestion would immediately end. Personally, I blame Second City for it. With that said, the law of averages says
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Allan's Perspective

The science publication “Daily Galaxy” is the height of hypocrisy!

Posted May 19, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, for a web site that publishes the latest scientific news and commentary, THE DAILY GALAXY (http://www.dailygalaxy.com/) is truly hypocritical in the treatment of dissenting opinions and alternative points of view! I think I have been banned from commenting on any articles they publish in their site! AND! It’s not only me kids, I get […]

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Commentary

So far, no death threats for Katy Perry!

Posted February 26, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Singer Katy Perry has upset members of the Muslim community by featuring “blasphemous” imagery in the music video for her new hit Dark Horse. In the promo, the Roar hitmaker plays an Egyptian queen who has the power to zap her subjects with lightning and turn them into sand, and she has offended Muslims by […]

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Allan's Perspective

Saturday Morning Confusion: How old is too old?

Posted May 24, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, do we all want to live to be this old……………………,, or is the biblical three score and ten good enough? By Rebecca Cook INKSTER Mich. (Reuters) – It was just a routine birthday for Jeralean Talley on Friday – a visit to the doctor in the morning, birthday cake in the afternoon for the […]

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Allan's Perspective

What an Asshole!

Posted August 4, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, our “Asshole of the Day!” award couldn’t go to a more deserving candidate! BRANDON, Man. – Searchers who have been trying to rescue a cat with a bird feeder stuck on its head in Manitoba say their efforts to trap the hapless animal are being sabotaged. The Brandon and Area Lost Animals group began […]

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Funny

Stupid Is As Stupid Doesn’t

Posted March 6, 2014 by Chandra Clarke

Chandra Clarke

File this one under “if only.” Some time ago, German scientist, Hans-Hilger Ropers, announced he was testing a pill that reduces the hyperactivity of certain brain cells, which in turn stabilizes short term memory and improves attentiveness. The researcher claims to have used it successfully with fruit flies and mice; a German newspaper dubbed it […]

Chandra Clarke – This material is safe for work. No really, it is.

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Commentary

Cops not only cruel, but nasty too!

Posted March 16, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

MONTREAL — Montreal police moved quickly Saturday to crack down on an annual protest that has a history of getting out of hand. A crowd of demonstrators gathered outside a busy north-end subway station to denounce police brutality. It was the same location where, this past January, an officer was captured on video telling a […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies #7 3/4

Posted June 15, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Only a farm kid would see it this way! When you’re from the farm, your perception is a little bit different. A farmer drove to a neighbor’s farmhouse and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door. “Is your dad or mom home?” said the farmer. “No, they went to town.” he […]

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General

Two Year Old With A True Potty Mouth #IceBucketChallenge

Posted August 26, 2014 by Stephanie

No matter where you stand on the ice bucket challenge, this little darling will make your jaw drop.  Turn up the volume, I bet you watch it more than once!  So what do you do?  Wash her mouth out with soap, or maybe challenge everyone who watches her sure to go viral video to make […]

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Allan's Perspective

Big Brother IS watching you!

Posted May 18, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Abby Deshman, a director with the Canadian Civil Liberties Association, says legislative reform is needed to protect innocent Canadians from unfair disclosure of police records. Folks, you have heard me mention many times in the past that cops not only paid to “uphold” the law……, they very quickly start to think that they “ARE” the […]

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Commentary

Canadian going to Mars?

Posted January 7, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

TORONTO — Stephen Fenech is no reluctant astronaut, even though the trip he hopes to make will take him from Earth forever. Toronto’s Fenech is now a one-percenter with the Mars One gang, a project with the goal of colonizing the fourth planet from the sun. Mars One, a not-for-profit Netherlands-based organization behind the colonization […]

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Allan's Perspective

Saturday Morning Confusion about what’s real, and what isn’t!

Posted July 12, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, dinosaurs don’t exist anymore. So why did Steven Spielberg kill a triceratops? Facebook fans didn’t realize that Jay Branscomb was joking when he posted a “disgraceful” photo of a “despicable man” (Namely director Steven Spielberg) posing with a poached triceratops. One Facebook commenter who was in the dark about the animal’s extinction wrote: “Disgusting! […]

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Comedy

We Are Robin Williams: Becoming Helpful in Helpless Times

Posted August 14, 2014 by Anonymous

The tragic death of actor and comedian Robin Williams has many of us talking about things that legitimately need attention and discussion. To me, what seems most glaringly obvious in these retrospective conversations and reflections is that we are merely on the foothill of developments in our thinking about suffering and identity, and that none […]

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Allan's Perspective

“Asshole of the Day” #42

Posted June 11, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

A man accused of killing his ex-girlfriend, carving up her body and scattering her remains around the Toronto area told a court on Tuesday that it was actually his mother who stabbed the woman to death. Jiang didn’t call police or an ambulance after the gruesome incident that took place in the basement of his […]

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Commentary

Key, Key.., key-rist it’s cold outside!

Posted February 28, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

While Winnipeggers have endured months of bitter cold, one family is struggling to adjust after arriving in the city from Sierra Leone just eight days ago. When his family first arrived, his children were thrilled to see the snow. They ran out of the airport to play in it. Gibril Bangura, his wife and three […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies #83

Posted May 25, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

WHEN I SAY I’M BROKE – I’M BROKE! A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day; to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. ‘Good morning,’ said the young man. ‘If I could take a couple minutes of your time. I would like to demonstrate the very […]

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Allan's Perspective

Beans, beans they’re good for your heart……..!

Posted August 5, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Beans, beans they’re good for your heart. Beans beans they make ya fart. So eat some beans at every meal, the more you eat, the better you feel! Dear Readers: Canned beans are convenient because you can cook them right out of the can, but they may not be as healthy for you as soaking […]

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Funny

Tales From The Crib

Posted February 9, 2014 by Chandra Clarke

Chandra Clarke

The healthcare industry uses a lot of euphemisms. You’ll be familiar with many of these: A doctor will tell you “this may sting a bit,” right before jabbing you with a six-inch needle. The warning label on your prescription will mention “some side effects,” which might include stroke, heart attack or seizures. Getting a private […]

Chandra Clarke – This material is safe for work. No really, it is.

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Allan's Perspective

Saturday Morning “Earth Day” Confusion!

Posted March 29, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, I’m not a die hard tree hugger, so I’m turning my lights out for an hour between 2 – 3:00 P.M. today! ————————————————– Remember that kid molester in Thailand who thought he could avoid detection by “swirling” his face as a disguise…………………, only to find out they “un-swirled” his picture and caught him? WELL, […]

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Agriculture

Bought The Farm

Posted May 17, 2014 by Chandra Clarke

Chandra Clarke

I wonder how many readers out there are contemplating an early retirement, complete with half-formed dreams of moving out to the countryside? You know, escaping the cell phone networks and email boxes to work the land and grow food in some sort of idyllic, slow-moving, rural setting. Boy, have I got news for you. Farming […]

Chandra Clarke – This material is safe for work. No really, it is.

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General

The PM, Trudeau and the hidden agenda: Aiiiieeeeeee, right?

Posted August 29, 2014 by Scott Feschuk

All in all, it hasn’t been a great summer for the Conservative attack machine

The post The PM, Trudeau and the hidden agenda: Aiiiieeeeeee, right? appeared first on Macleans.ca.

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Allan's Perspective

I’m not at all confused about Saturday morning!

Posted June 14, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Nope, everything is as “right as rain” if you will pardon the expression. Yesterday was the famous “Friday the 13th” motorcycle rally in Port Dover, Ontario, and as usual, tens of thousand of bikers gathered for the event. Even the rain didn’t seem to deter the hard-core bikers, as the streets of Port Dover filled […]

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Humour

Getting high with Pedro!

Posted January 8, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

This is almost as good as a Cheech and Chong bit! (It’s also one of the reasons I quite doing drugs!)

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Allan's Perspective

MONTREAL: Sin City!

Posted April 27, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, the Perspective Research Department has done a lot of fact-finding on this issue, and discovered the real reason Montreal bars can now stay open until the sun comes up! The bars used to close at 3 a.m. and the drunk revelers were the only people on the streets after that. Now, with the later, […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies: Michael Jackson

Posted July 12, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

O.K. 1. Michael Jackson is dead. That’s not funny! 2. These guys went on a binge last night. That’s not funny either! But! What they did this morning with the empty beer bottles is a whole different matter! 3. ——————————————————— Two Scottish nuns in Glasgow sat at a traffic light in their car when a […]

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General

Too Soon?

Posted February 20, 2014 by The Mayor

If you live in England and find the above joke funny, The Mayor suggests you keep your giggles to yourself, or face prosecution (or is it persecution?):
A sandwich shop owner endured eight hours of questioning by police and had his computer seized for three weeks – after making tasteless Nelson Mandela jokes on the internet.
Neil [...]

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Allan's Perspective

We got trouble in River City Folks!

Posted June 12, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, this is wrong on so many levels that I hardly know where to begin! Why this wasn’t one of the main election issues is totally beyond me, but then again, people just seem naturally reticent about asking for my opinion about stuff………, and that’s why I started this “Blog!” SO! How do I begin? […]

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Humour

Sunday Morning Funnies #77

Posted March 2, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Rules of Living Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas. You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn’t move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn’t, use the tape. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship, “I apologize” and “You are right.” Everyone seems […]

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Allan's Perspective

What is it with the Jews?

Posted May 26, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, what is it with the Jews? (I just read about that shooting at a Jewish Museum in Belgium) Speaking as a Canadian, we have problems with Arabs and Muslims, East Indian Sikhs, North American Indians, people from Nigeria, Russian mobsters and strippers, Mennonite drug cartels, crazy U.S. environmentalists and militia’s, whining French Quebecers, aliens […]

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Commentary

Quebecers bitchin’ again!

Posted March 1, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Dear Readers: The old saying goes that history is written by the victors. In Quebec, an addendum may be necessary that notes it is re-written by the victors of the most recent election. That’s right kids, if you thought the bitchin’ French had run out of ways to cause trouble, you’re mistaken ……………………., they have […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies #94

Posted March 30, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Time for another batch of funnies, boys and girls! ———————————– A thoughtful Scottish Husband was putting his coat and hat on to make his way down to the local pub, He turned to his wee wife before leaving and said, ‘ Abigail – put your hat and coat on, lassie.’ She replied, ‘Awe Dearheart, that’s […]

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Allan's Perspective

Man stunned, but doesn’t go down!

Posted June 16, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Nova Scotia Report: A 48-year-old Halifax man will appear in court to face charges today after police first used a stun gun on the suspect …, and then tackled him during an arrest. Staff Sgt. Reid McCoombs says Halifax police responded to a call on Sunday evening alleging the suspect was threatening to shoot another […]

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Allan's Perspective

Ya can’t fix stupid!

Posted May 8, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, what people believe, and what the truth of the matter is, can very often be two different things! Here are some examples of just how ridiculous beliefs can be! Those Boko Haram Islamists believe that a round earth is a Western conspiracy………., as is evolution, immunizations, and Western education. (Including the fact that rain […]

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Allan's Perspective

Dick Cheney is a real Dick!

Posted June 20, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, I have said many times in the past that Dick Cheney is one person who who actually scares me! I can’t say he is totally evil since I don’t believe in the devil, but there is something fundamentally NASTY about him! And, after the disasters he got the United States into during Bush’s term, […]

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