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Allan's Perspective

Kardashian speak with forked tongue!

Posted June 24, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Dear Readers: Your ever humble, and much maligned reporter weeps for society! POLITICAL CORRECTNESS has gripped our land and the nuts are running the show kids! Reality TV star Khloe Kardashian has sparked outrage online after sporting a traditional Native American headdress to her niece’s lavish birthday bash.Listen boys and girls, if some asshole can […]

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Allan's Perspective

Saturday Morning Confusion: It’s all politics to me!

Posted April 26, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, while it has never been a gentleman’s game, at least politics was practiced with a certain degree of civility and decorum in the past. MY HOW THINGS HAVE CHANGED! It just occurred to me this morning that the veneer of respectability in politics is not only long gone, but despite the apparent differences, there […]

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Allan's Perspective

The Vodka Song: I’ll Drink to That!

Posted April 3, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Dear Readers. Leave it to the NDP to propose stupid shit like THIS: Ontario’s NDP wants the province’s government-run liquor stores to suspend sales of Russian vodka due to the international crisis in Ukraine. New Democrat Cheri DiNovo is expected to table a motion today in response to Russia’s seizure of Crimea. (We think Cheri […]

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Allan's Perspective

Ya, but is she really nuts? Or just faking it?

Posted June 19, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Well, just a few days after Hillary Clinton was in Toronto for a book signing tour, the Republican National Committee has deployed a giant squirrel to follow Hillary Clinton around the country on the book tour for hew new memoir, Hard Choices, mocking her potential 2016 presidential run with the message that, quote, “another Clinton […]

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Allan's Perspective

Now you know the rest of the story!

Posted April 27, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

              NOW YOU KNOW THE REST OF THE STORY!  

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Commentary

Macintosh computer is 30!

Posted March 23, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

This week in the year 1984 was a watershed for the personal computing market, a year which saw Apple introduce the Macintosh and forever change the way people looked at desktops. On the 30th anniversary of that release, there was no shortage of coverage looking at the historic launch of the Mac and its impact […]

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Humour

Sunday Morning Funnies # 96

Posted January 26, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

A pirate walked into a bar, and the bartender said: “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.” “What do you mean?” said the pirate, “I feel fine.” “What about the wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.” “Well,” said the pirate, “We were in a battle, and I got […]

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General

This Is Your Brain On Drugs

Posted April 28, 2014 by Chandra Clarke

Chandra Clarke

I felt ill after watching TV on Sunday night. No, I wasn’t watching reruns of Fear Factor, although I agree that show was enough to nauseate anyone. It was the commercials that got me. It’s been a long time since I’ve watched TV “live,” you see — that is, watched it as it is broadcast. I […]

Chandra Clarke – This material is safe for work. No really, it is.

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Allan's Perspective

Shark!

Posted July 17, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

A video of a what appeared to be a bull shark swimming off of Wolfe Island in Lake Ontario has been revealed to be a marketing ploy for Discovery’s Channel’s Shark Week and its sponsor Nissan Rogue. The whole thing sounded a bit “fishy” to begin with folks, since sharks are salt water fish and […]

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Allan's Perspective

Do we live in a police state? God damned right we do!

Posted May 13, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

OK folks, here’s the scene: The engineer in charge of that train in blew up in Lac-Megantic last year has been charged! BUT! That’s not the reason for this article bunky! OH NO! NOW! HERE’S THE RUB, KIDS, AND WHY THESE COPS ARE OUR “ASSHOLES OF THE DAY!” The train engineer knew the cops were […]

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Celebrities

“Rock Snot” Invasion!

Posted March 3, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

A Breaking story from the Naked News staff, folks. THE MARITIMES ARE BEING INVADED BY “ROCK SNOT!” New research reveals a nasty, mucus-like algae bloom that emerged in Eastern Canada in 2006 may not be an invasive species after all. Instead, it appears to be a native species that was once subdued by cooler temperatures, but is now proliferating […]

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Commentary

Canadian SEX not Canadian enough!

Posted March 6, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

You might remember a quote by Pierre Elliot Trudeau: “The government has no place in the bedrooms of the nation!” WELL, tell that to the CRTC! Yesterday, the CRTC issued a broadcast notice saying AOV Adult Movie Channel, XXX Action Clips and the gay-oriented Maleflixxx were all failing to reach the required 35% threshold for […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies #63

Posted June 1, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

72 Facts That Will Actually Teach You Something 1. Chocolate milk was invented in Ireland. 2. You can’t breathe and swallow at the same time. 3. The girlfriend of the guy who founded Match.com left him for a man she met on Match.com. 4. This is what it looks like when a star meets a […]

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Allan's Perspective

I’m Normal!

Posted July 8, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

So ya say that life is getting you down! Your wife is a bitch, and your son is a clown. The mother-in-law is crazy, and last night is real hazy! Even the job is the pits, and life is the shits! There’s no money to spend, and ya don’t have a friend! IS THAT WHAT’S […]

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Allan's Perspective

Why evolution has it rough in the States!

Posted June 24, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Dear Readers: If you ever wondered why the Unites States is going to hell in a hand basket……………., this might help explain it! This exchange between Bill Maher and Mark Pryor, the Democratic Senator from Arkansas, appeared on 9gag.com. You can watch the extract, which was recorded in 2009, here, and the full interview here. Make sure […]

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Allan's Perspective

We got trouble in River City Folks!

Posted June 12, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, this is wrong on so many levels that I hardly know where to begin! Why this wasn’t one of the main election issues is totally beyond me, but then again, people just seem naturally reticent about asking for my opinion about stuff………, and that’s why I started this “Blog!” SO! How do I begin? […]

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Humour

Sunday Morning Funnies #76

Posted April 6, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

1. EstherHarshom What’s green and eats nuts? Syphilis. 2. VildereKlovn Somebody stole my mood ring and I’m not quite sure how I feel about that. – Tracy Jordan 3. ChrisLikesSoda So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere… 4. azembala I just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome. It was pretty […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies #93

Posted June 22, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would […]

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Allan's Perspective

Outrage vs. Ignorance! A Truly Sterling Performance!

Posted April 29, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, the Sterling scandal has taken on a life of its own, and is getting far too much attention…………………, much more than it deserves! With this in mind I am going to make a few comments, and then never mention the subject again. First of all: Donald Sterling made those unfortunate, stupid and racist remarks […]

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Asshole of the Day

Big and Small Stuff!

Posted January 5, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Dear Readers: We have some big ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,. and small stuff for ya today! Matter of fact, it’s big, small, fast, slow, interesting, boring and just plain silly! ————————————– Here’s a guy that I dislike more than just about anybody else because he is so full of himself ………………….., Steven Seagal! Remind me to tell you […]

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Commentary

The fart that blew the roof off!

Posted January 28, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, every once in a while I get REAL proud of some of the stories you will find on these pages …….! They’re not your normal run-of-the-mill news items! This is definitely one of them! A herd of dairy cows nearly lifted the roof off their barn in central Germany when methane released by the […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies #87

Posted May 4, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

GETTING INTO HEAVEN A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies #672

Posted July 20, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland. Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision. Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision. Canadians: Negative. You will […]

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Allan's Perspective

Cry Fowl in Pictou!

Posted May 15, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

NOVA SCOTIA REPORT! Folks, as soon as we got this report, I instructed the Perspective Research Department to send a squad of reporters down to Pictou and let us know what’s gong on with this suspected genocide of some of our fowl friends! The Town of Pictou’s efforts to clean up for next week’s royal […]

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Allan's Perspective

A cheesy story, if ever there was one!

Posted April 8, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

STOP THE PRESSES, BACK UP THE TRUCK …..,, GATHER ROUND KIDS! (We got a cheesy story for ya!) Le Baluchon, a cheese from Quebec, has been named “cheese of the year” in the inaugural Canadian Cheese Awards. The cheese, from Fromagerie FX Pichet in Sainte-Anne-de-la-Perade, Que., won in the competition, which featured 76 producers from […]

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Commentary

Is this drunk enough for ya?

Posted March 9, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Well folks, your humble reporter is conflicted this morning on whether to make this guy our “Asshole of the Day,” or crown him as our “Winner of the day,” for the sheer entertainment value of this story! Fairfax County Police say a Reston man faces multiple charges after they found him Monday driving his car backwards […]

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Allan's Perspective

AH, SHIT!

Posted June 2, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

NOW HERE’S SOMETHING YA DON’T SEE EVERYDAY KIDS! A cross-country fight had to make an unscheduled landing when a service dog pooped twice in the aisle, sickening passengers with the odor. US Airways spokesman Andrew Christie said the May 28 US Airways flight from Los Angeles to Philadelphia had to make an unscheduled stop in […]

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Allan's Perspective

Saturday Morning Confusion #17

Posted July 19, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, a lot of confusion about stuff like climate change, evolution, and a whole bunch of other scientific issues lately! This article discusses how equal time is not really appropriate for a clearly false or uninformed position! The metaphor that a coin has two sides is a powerful one, and the temptation to look at […]

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Allan's Perspective

To hell with pipelines, let’s transport by rail!

Posted June 29, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Public interest in what is trundling by rail past their homes has ignited in the wake of the July 6, 2013, derailment in Lac-Megantic, Que., when a runaway oil train skipped the tracks and exploded, killing 47 people. That’s right folks, we need to keep the Environmentalists happy! Let’s not build any more pipelines ………………………., […]

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Humour

SUNDAY MORNING FUNNIES #9 #9 #9 #9 #9

Posted March 23, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, humour is a subjective thing that differs from person to person. What I find funny might not be so to you …………….., and vise versa! HOWEVER, I can draw a few generalizations, and say that in my opinion Lenny Bruce was the greatest stand-up comedian ever ….., not that he was really a comedian, […]

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Beliefs and Causes

Biologists Confirm God Evolved From Chimpanzee Deity!

Posted April 13, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Researchers say today’s Lord Almighty shares many traits in common with the chimp deity, including color vision and omniscience. O. K, FOLKS, IT’S SUNDAY ……………………, AND TIME FOR ANOTHER DOSE OF RELIGION! The only problem is…….., are we talking about “Planet of the Apes?” The Onion! BERKELEY, CA—Challenging long-held views on the origins of divinity, […]

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Allan's Perspective

A Royal Pain!

Posted June 22, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Oh the burden of being ROYALTY! The monarchy has defended the cost of refurbishing a Kensington Palace apartment for Prince William, his wife Catherine and their baby son Prince George. A royal spokesman did not confirm the seven-figure cost — reportedly at £4 million — for repairs and refurbishments, but said the royal couple had […]

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Allan's Perspective

Pure Sterling!

Posted April 30, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

(You might note that after all the trouble he got into the other day, this jerk is sitting with his wife, and NOT his girlfriend, today!) Folks, I was going to drop the whole Donald Sterling thing after yesterday’s comments, but this stupid story has taken on a life of its own. All these people […]

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General

How to make a beer can chicken

Posted April 9, 2013 by Darren

After nearly 6000 entries on this site, this is the first recipe I’ve ever posted. I learned how to make this from James. I subsequently showed…

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Humour

We think this is FUNNY!

Posted January 29, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

FOLKS, we are proud to present Canada’s new comedy team! ———————————— Also, I ran into this story today and it just begs repeating!!!!!!!!!! A guy has spent five years traveling all around the world making a documentary on Native dances. At the end of this time, he has every single native dance of every indigenous […]

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Allan's Perspective

Youth: It’s in the blood!

Posted May 5, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Well get a load of THIS! Two separate teams of scientists have announced that blood transfusions from young individuals make older individuals younger, fixing their hearts and curing aging brains. Speaking to the New York Times, Harvard Medical School’s professor of neurology Rudolph Tanzi, “these findings could be a game changer.” Tanzi, who is not […]

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General

How To Use A Revolving Door? The Suburbs Edition.

Posted July 17, 2014 by Stephanie

Sometimes when you are on an adventure in Toronto to celebrate your Mama’s 70th Birthday, the best moments are made in the most unexpected of places.     This is how girls from the suburbs rock the revolving doors. Memories made. Can’t wait for our next adventure.

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Allan's Perspective

Saturday Morning Confusion: The Naked Truth!

Posted May 17, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Seems the politically correct crowd has raised another bullshit issue that has me more confused on this Saturday morning than ever before! A bunch of kindergarten kids were out in the yard playing and they got into some water and proceeded to get soaking wet! (These are 4 and 5 year old kids, folks!) Rather […]

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Allan's Perspective

Big Brother IS watching you!

Posted May 18, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Abby Deshman, a director with the Canadian Civil Liberties Association, says legislative reform is needed to protect innocent Canadians from unfair disclosure of police records. Folks, you have heard me mention many times in the past that cops not only paid to “uphold” the law……, they very quickly start to think that they “ARE” the […]

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Humour

Sunday Morning Funnies #17 1/2

Posted March 9, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-saving time. People who feel the need to tell you that they have an excellent sense of humor are telling you that they […]

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