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Allan's Perspective

Kardashian speak with forked tongue!

Posted June 24, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Dear Readers: Your ever humble, and much maligned reporter weeps for society! POLITICAL CORRECTNESS has gripped our land and the nuts are running the show kids! Reality TV star Khloe Kardashian has sparked outrage online after sporting a traditional Native American headdress to her niece’s lavish birthday bash.Listen boys and girls, if some asshole can […]

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Allan's Perspective

Ya, but is she really nuts? Or just faking it?

Posted June 19, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Well, just a few days after Hillary Clinton was in Toronto for a book signing tour, the Republican National Committee has deployed a giant squirrel to follow Hillary Clinton around the country on the book tour for hew new memoir, Hard Choices, mocking her potential 2016 presidential run with the message that, quote, “another Clinton […]

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Allan's Perspective

Obama takes the title of “Mr. Dithers!”

Posted September 2, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Dear Readers: We used to call Prime Minister Paul Martin “Mr. Dithers,” but due to recent events, we here at the Perspective Research Department think that President Obama has deservedly taken that tittle as his own. Of course, he is still deciding on whether he should pick up his trophy ………….., or not! ————————— Here’s […]

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Entertainment

Little Girl Meets Obama, Disappointed Surprise Guest Wasn’t Beyonce

Posted September 12, 2014 by Anonymous

Kids just aren’t all that impressed with President Barak Obama these days. First we had that boy do a full on face-plant into his sofa at the White House (because why not) and now this. On Thursday, President Obama and […]

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Allan's Perspective

Shark!

Posted July 17, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

A video of a what appeared to be a bull shark swimming off of Wolfe Island in Lake Ontario has been revealed to be a marketing ploy for Discovery’s Channel’s Shark Week and its sponsor Nissan Rogue. The whole thing sounded a bit “fishy” to begin with folks, since sharks are salt water fish and […]

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Allan's Perspective

The spam is in the mail!

Posted July 9, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Dear Readers: As promised, the new anti-spam laws are drastically cutting down on the number of spam messages we get in the mail every day! The only problem is that this law only applies to stuff from within Canada, so all the other shit just keeps right on coming! That’s right folks, all the mail […]

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Entertainment

#DILFsOfDisneyLand Is The Happiest Place On Instagram

Posted September 19, 2014 by Anonymous

I’ve written about Instagram before, and trust me, today won’t be the last time I write about it again. Actually, I have even written about cute dads on Instagram before. There is a new account that mixes three things I […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies #95

Posted August 10, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, some days ya feel like a nut………….., some days ya don’t! There are times when I can look at something and think it is hilarious, and yet at other times ……., not so much! Some days I would say this was fairly funny, and yet when I looked at it this morning, it didn’t […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies #93

Posted June 22, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would […]

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Entertainment

New Frozen Short Film To Hit Theatres in 2015

Posted September 3, 2014 by Anonymous

Frozen fans, it’s time to belt out a celebratory “Let It Go.” Walt Disney Animation studios announced Tuesday that they will be releasing a follow-up to the animated mega-hit with a short film called Frozen Forever, set to be released by spring […]

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Art

This Dad’s Chalk Art Puts Yours To Shame

Posted September 9, 2014 by Anonymous

I remember the days of writing my name in chalk on the sidewalk in front of my house. I would sometimes draw little house, the always popular hopscotch court, maybe flowers sometimes, or a bird if I was feeling adventurous. […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies #672

Posted July 20, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland. Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision. Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision. Canadians: Negative. You will […]

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Allan's Perspective

Dick Cheney is a real Dick!

Posted June 20, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, I have said many times in the past that Dick Cheney is one person who who actually scares me! I can’t say he is totally evil since I don’t believe in the devil, but there is something fundamentally NASTY about him! And, after the disasters he got the United States into during Bush’s term, […]

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Entertainment

Little Girl Meets Obama, Disappointed Surprise Guest Wasn’t Beyonce

Posted September 12, 2014 by Anonymous

Kids just aren’t all that impressed with President Barak Obama these days. First we had that boy do a full on face-plant into his sofa at the White House (because why not) and now this. On Thursday, President Obama and […]

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Allan's Perspective

Duck!

Posted August 12, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

I am sitting here trying to decide whether this story is about a bunch of ducks and geese, or about the old guy that has appointed himself their guardian. (I guess I better start at the beginning and set the scene for you!) I live in a suburb of London called Byron, which is at […]

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Allan's Perspective

A Royal Pain!

Posted June 22, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Oh the burden of being ROYALTY! The monarchy has defended the cost of refurbishing a Kensington Palace apartment for Prince William, his wife Catherine and their baby son Prince George. A royal spokesman did not confirm the seven-figure cost — reportedly at £4 million — for repairs and refurbishments, but said the royal couple had […]

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Allan's Perspective

Ya can’t get there from here!

Posted June 26, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Do you remember that TV commercial where a guy is trying to give directions to someplace or other, and after several attempts he scratches his head and says: “Ya can’t get there from here!” Funny eh? NO! It happened to me in real life today! The main intersection of downtown Byron, (which is a small […]

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General

Ready, Aim, Pee?

Posted September 8, 2014 by Sara

As a single mother of a boy, I’ve mentioned before that I had a few “guy” things that I was worried about when it comes to raising him. #1 on the list: who was going to teach him how to […]

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Allan's Perspective

Let’s get to The Source!

Posted July 23, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

A couple of notes about the left and right wing media here in Canada this morning. (By right wing, I mean, of course, Sun News and Sun TV, while left wing is just about everybody else!) Although I don’t hear cries of “hidden agenda” lately, left wing coverage of the Conservatives, and especially Harper, continues […]

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Allan's Perspective

To hell with pipelines, let’s transport by rail!

Posted June 29, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Public interest in what is trundling by rail past their homes has ignited in the wake of the July 6, 2013, derailment in Lac-Megantic, Que., when a runaway oil train skipped the tracks and exploded, killing 47 people. That’s right folks, we need to keep the Environmentalists happy! Let’s not build any more pipelines ………………………., […]

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Entertainment

Face-Planting Boy Shows Us That, Yes, All Grown-Ups Are Boring

Posted September 10, 2014 by Anonymous

Ahh to be young with nary a care in the world. Just worry about what fun, awesome thing you are going to get to do next. Like, oh I don’t know, head to the White House and hang out with […]

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Allan's Perspective

Now see here!

Posted August 15, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively […]

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Allan's Perspective

Rob Ford Endorsed by Charlie Sheen?

Posted June 27, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

How’s this for a vote of confidence, kids? Mayor Rob Ford is as “tough as nails” and can overcome his substance abuse problems, says one of Hollywood’s well-known bad boys. “He’s the mayor, he got that far,” Charlie Sheen said Thursday night as he walked the red carpet for Joe Carter’s annual star-studded charity event. […]

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Entertainment

Dad Wins The Internet By Filming Daughter Taking Silly Selfies

Posted August 27, 2014 by Anonymous

We’ve all been guilty of taking a selfie or two. But teens these days take the cake for being downright obsessed with snapping pictures of themselves. As a parent or innocent bystander, watching them take selfies can be incredibly annoying, but […]

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Allan's Perspective

Stop, BANG, or I’ll shoot!

Posted July 24, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Well, well, just like dash cameras lessened incidents of violence during police traffic stops, so too will personal cameras on individual cops alleviate many of the problems associated with “police officers” shooting and beating on civilians …………………….., whether they deserve it or not! That, combined with the judicious use of Tasers instead of guns, will […]

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CBC

Steven & Chris Drink A Mummified Toe?

Posted September 18, 2014 by Sonya

The new season of Steven and Chris begins next week and is themed “Food Week” with the first episode featuring the entertaining couple facing a shocking dare that involves a mummified toe. Not too much freaks me out and I will […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies #70

Posted August 17, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Our teacher asked me what my favorite animal was, and I said, “Fried chicken.” She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said […]

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Allan's Perspective

Asshole of the Day! #244

Posted June 25, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, ya just can’t have it both ways, or all-ways, or always, or everything all at once! Or, as Stephen Wright says: “Ya can’t have everything ….., where would ya put it?” Which brings me to today’s :”Asshole of the Day!” First let me tell ya that London, Ontario has a high unemployment rate due […]

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Allan's Perspective

World Cup Soccer invaded by giant crickets!

Posted July 6, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

It’s time for Fifa World Cup Soccer news, kids! Host Brazil is moving on to the semifinals of the World Cup after beating fellow heavyweight Colombia 2-1 in a game that had its share of suspect calls. As Matthew Cowley noted there were a total of 51 fouls in this match, which made the whole […]

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CBC

Steven & Chris Drink A Mummified Toe?

Posted September 18, 2014 by Sonya

The new season of Steven and Chris begins next week and is themed “Food Week” with the first episode featuring the entertaining couple facing a shocking dare that involves a mummified toe. Not too much freaks me out and I will […]

Full Story »

 
Entertainment

New Frozen Short Film To Hit Theatres in 2015

Posted September 3, 2014 by Anonymous

Frozen fans, it’s time to belt out a celebratory “Let It Go.” Walt Disney Animation studios announced Tuesday that they will be releasing a follow-up to the animated mega-hit with a short film called Frozen Forever, set to be released by spring […]

Full Story »

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies!

Posted September 21, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, this one is so good it can hold the fort all on its own! The Goodnight Kiss One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. They are about to kiss each other goodnight, but the guy is feeling a little horny. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall […]

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Entertainment

Our Ten Favourite Celeb Ice Bucket Challenges

Posted August 22, 2014 by Anonymous

Is there anything better than celebrities getting behind a good cause? Only when that cause means they are pouring buckets of ice water on themselves! If you have yet to hear about the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, here it is […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies #8

Posted June 29, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Why Parents Go Gray The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers, dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whisper, “Hello.” “Is your daddy home?” he asked. “Yes,” whispered the small voice. “May I talk […]

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Allan's Perspective

I’m Normal!

Posted July 8, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

So ya say that life is getting you down! Your wife is a bitch, and your son is a clown. The mother-in-law is crazy, and last night is real hazy! Even the job is the pits, and life is the shits! There’s no money to spend, and ya don’t have a friend! IS THAT WHAT’S […]

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Entertainment

#DILFsOfDisneyLand Is The Happiest Place On Instagram

Posted September 19, 2014 by Anonymous

I’ve written about Instagram before, and trust me, today won’t be the last time I write about it again. Actually, I have even written about cute dads on Instagram before. There is a new account that mixes three things I […]

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Allan's Perspective

Why not just kill the son-of-a-bitch!

Posted July 31, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

(Speaker Boehner and President Obama in happier times: Talking about golf. – Joshua Roberts/Reuters) Well folks, it’s getting REALLY strange down there in the good ol’ U. S. of A. To no one’s surprise, the House of Representatives has voted to approve a resolution (H. Res 676) authorizing Speaker John Boehner to sue the president […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies #79

Posted September 28, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

A few different views of marriage! It’s Nice to Have a Husband By Your Side Over the years, When the sink overflowed, Or the car ran out of gas, Or the lady who comes every Tuesday to clean didn’t come, Or I felt pudgy, Or misunderstood, Or inferior to Marilyn Kaufman who is not only […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies # 33 1/3

Posted August 24, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

These are actual complaints received by a local travel agency! 1. “I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts.” 2. “It’s lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallarta to close in the afternoons. I often needed to […]

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Allan's Perspective

Saturday Morning Confusion about SEX

Posted July 5, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

(Transgender woman (?) Avery Edison has filed two human rights complaints after being detained at a male-only facility when she was stopped at Toronto’s Pearson International Airport in February, 2014.) Folks, we have a conundrum here, and your ever helpful reporter is not only going to solve it ………….., I am also going to offer […]

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