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Allan's Perspective

Kardashian speak with forked tongue!

Posted June 24, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Dear Readers: Your ever humble, and much maligned reporter weeps for society! POLITICAL CORRECTNESS has gripped our land and the nuts are running the show kids! Reality TV star Khloe Kardashian has sparked outrage online after sporting a traditional Native American headdress to her niece’s lavish birthday bash.Listen boys and girls, if some asshole can […]

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Allan's Perspective

Saturday Morning Confusion about SEX

Posted July 5, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

(Transgender woman (?) Avery Edison has filed two human rights complaints after being detained at a male-only facility when she was stopped at Toronto’s Pearson International Airport in February, 2014.) Folks, we have a conundrum here, and your ever helpful reporter is not only going to solve it ………….., I am also going to offer […]

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Allan's Perspective

I’m not at all confused about Saturday morning!

Posted June 14, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Nope, everything is as “right as rain” if you will pardon the expression. Yesterday was the famous “Friday the 13th” motorcycle rally in Port Dover, Ontario, and as usual, tens of thousand of bikers gathered for the event. Even the rain didn’t seem to deter the hard-core bikers, as the streets of Port Dover filled […]

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Allan's Perspective

Bad Blood and Great Tits!

Posted August 3, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

(FROM THE CELEBRITY GOSSIP PAGES: Folks, is it my imagination, or is Bieber starting to look spaced-out?) Some sort of a wild free-for-all, or insult fest, or punch-up and put-down brewing between a bunch of Hollywierd celebrities! The main beef is between Justin Belieber and Orlando Bloomer, with a touch of Leonardo CeCrappio, a few […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies # 22

Posted June 8, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

————-The Job Interview An office manager was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them one question and their answer would determine who would get the […]

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Allan's Perspective

Obama takes the title of “Mr. Dithers!”

Posted September 2, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Dear Readers: We used to call Prime Minister Paul Martin “Mr. Dithers,” but due to recent events, we here at the Perspective Research Department think that President Obama has deservedly taken that tittle as his own. Of course, he is still deciding on whether he should pick up his trophy ………….., or not! ————————— Here’s […]

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Allan's Perspective

Islamy a Muslim, or not?

Posted July 11, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

From the Perspective Naked News Department comes a story out of the United States that shows Americans really are a clueless bunch. You’ve already heard that a good percentage of these geniuses don’t believe in evolution, and that the Universe is only 6000 years old, BUT …….., on top of not being born in the […]

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Allan's Perspective

Dick Cheney is a real Dick!

Posted June 20, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, I have said many times in the past that Dick Cheney is one person who who actually scares me! I can’t say he is totally evil since I don’t believe in the devil, but there is something fundamentally NASTY about him! And, after the disasters he got the United States into during Bush’s term, […]

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Allan's Perspective

What an Asshole!

Posted August 4, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, our “Asshole of the Day!” award couldn’t go to a more deserving candidate! BRANDON, Man. – Searchers who have been trying to rescue a cat with a bird feeder stuck on its head in Manitoba say their efforts to trap the hapless animal are being sabotaged. The Brandon and Area Lost Animals group began […]

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Allan's Perspective

Gun Size Tied to Dick Size?

Posted June 8, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Well, folks, we finally did it! The Perspective Research Department, along with the Naked News staff, have finally found a direct correlation between guns and dick size! After years of study and conjecture, we began to realize that men in the NRA had a unusual, and unhealthy fascination ………, no, let’s make that OBSESSION, with […]

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Allan's Perspective

Ya can’t get there from here!

Posted June 26, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Do you remember that TV commercial where a guy is trying to give directions to someplace or other, and after several attempts he scratches his head and says: “Ya can’t get there from here!” Funny eh? NO! It happened to me in real life today! The main intersection of downtown Byron, (which is a small […]

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Allan's Perspective

Saturday Morning Confusion about what’s real, and what isn’t!

Posted July 12, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, dinosaurs don’t exist anymore. So why did Steven Spielberg kill a triceratops? Facebook fans didn’t realize that Jay Branscomb was joking when he posted a “disgraceful” photo of a “despicable man” (Namely director Steven Spielberg) posing with a poached triceratops. One Facebook commenter who was in the dark about the animal’s extinction wrote: “Disgusting! […]

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Allan's Perspective

“Asshole of the Day” #42

Posted June 11, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

A man accused of killing his ex-girlfriend, carving up her body and scattering her remains around the Toronto area told a court on Tuesday that it was actually his mother who stabbed the woman to death. Jiang didn’t call police or an ambulance after the gruesome incident that took place in the basement of his […]

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Allan's Perspective

Beans, beans they’re good for your heart……..!

Posted August 5, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Beans, beans they’re good for your heart. Beans beans they make ya fart. So eat some beans at every meal, the more you eat, the better you feel! Dear Readers: Canned beans are convenient because you can cook them right out of the can, but they may not be as healthy for you as soaking […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies #7 3/4

Posted June 15, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Only a farm kid would see it this way! When you’re from the farm, your perception is a little bit different. A farmer drove to a neighbor’s farmhouse and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door. “Is your dad or mom home?” said the farmer. “No, they went to town.” he […]

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Allan's Perspective

Rob Ford Endorsed by Charlie Sheen?

Posted June 27, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

How’s this for a vote of confidence, kids? Mayor Rob Ford is as “tough as nails” and can overcome his substance abuse problems, says one of Hollywood’s well-known bad boys. “He’s the mayor, he got that far,” Charlie Sheen said Thursday night as he walked the red carpet for Joe Carter’s annual star-studded charity event. […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies: Michael Jackson

Posted July 12, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

O.K. 1. Michael Jackson is dead. That’s not funny! 2. These guys went on a binge last night. That’s not funny either! But! What they did this morning with the empty beer bottles is a whole different matter! 3. ——————————————————— Two Scottish nuns in Glasgow sat at a traffic light in their car when a […]

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Allan's Perspective

We got trouble in River City Folks!

Posted June 12, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, this is wrong on so many levels that I hardly know where to begin! Why this wasn’t one of the main election issues is totally beyond me, but then again, people just seem naturally reticent about asking for my opinion about stuff………, and that’s why I started this “Blog!” SO! How do I begin? […]

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Allan's Perspective

Man stunned, but doesn’t go down!

Posted June 16, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Nova Scotia Report: A 48-year-old Halifax man will appear in court to face charges today after police first used a stun gun on the suspect …, and then tackled him during an arrest. Staff Sgt. Reid McCoombs says Halifax police responded to a call on Sunday evening alleging the suspect was threatening to shoot another […]

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Allan's Perspective

World Cup Soccer invaded by giant crickets!

Posted July 6, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

It’s time for Fifa World Cup Soccer news, kids! Host Brazil is moving on to the semifinals of the World Cup after beating fellow heavyweight Colombia 2-1 in a game that had its share of suspect calls. As Matthew Cowley noted there were a total of 51 fouls in this match, which made the whole […]

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Allan's Perspective

Adriana is a pain in the butt. No pun intended!

Posted July 13, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Dear Readers: My “girlfriend”writes me a letter every week or two ………………………….., so I thought I would share the latest with you! BABE… i guess your not getting any of my email huh? ive been tryign to email u so many times but this dam laptop is such a piece of garbage and keeps freezing.. […]

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Allan's Perspective

U.S. Invades Victoria!

Posted June 15, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Dear Readers: Victoria has a lot of tourists this weekend thanks to a visit from one of the world’s largest warships. The USS Nimitz is anchored near the Canadian navy base in Esquimalt near B.C.’s capital. The Nimitz is stopping in Victoria this weekend before conducting trials and testing at the Canadian military’s test range […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies #95

Posted August 10, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, some days ya feel like a nut………….., some days ya don’t! There are times when I can look at something and think it is hilarious, and yet at other times ……., not so much! Some days I would say this was fairly funny, and yet when I looked at it this morning, it didn’t […]

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Allan's Perspective

Ya, but is she really nuts? Or just faking it?

Posted June 19, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Well, just a few days after Hillary Clinton was in Toronto for a book signing tour, the Republican National Committee has deployed a giant squirrel to follow Hillary Clinton around the country on the book tour for hew new memoir, Hard Choices, mocking her potential 2016 presidential run with the message that, quote, “another Clinton […]

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Allan's Perspective

I’m Normal!

Posted July 8, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

So ya say that life is getting you down! Your wife is a bitch, and your son is a clown. The mother-in-law is crazy, and last night is real hazy! Even the job is the pits, and life is the shits! There’s no money to spend, and ya don’t have a friend! IS THAT WHAT’S […]

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Allan's Perspective

Shark!

Posted July 17, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

A video of a what appeared to be a bull shark swimming off of Wolfe Island in Lake Ontario has been revealed to be a marketing ploy for Discovery’s Channel’s Shark Week and its sponsor Nissan Rogue. The whole thing sounded a bit “fishy” to begin with folks, since sharks are salt water fish and […]

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Allan's Perspective

To hell with pipelines, let’s transport by rail!

Posted June 29, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Public interest in what is trundling by rail past their homes has ignited in the wake of the July 6, 2013, derailment in Lac-Megantic, Que., when a runaway oil train skipped the tracks and exploded, killing 47 people. That’s right folks, we need to keep the Environmentalists happy! Let’s not build any more pipelines ………………………., […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies!

Posted September 21, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, this one is so good it can hold the fort all on its own! The Goodnight Kiss One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. They are about to kiss each other goodnight, but the guy is feeling a little horny. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall […]

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Allan's Perspective

Duck!

Posted August 12, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

I am sitting here trying to decide whether this story is about a bunch of ducks and geese, or about the old guy that has appointed himself their guardian. (I guess I better start at the beginning and set the scene for you!) I live in a suburb of London called Byron, which is at […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies #93

Posted June 22, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would […]

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Allan's Perspective

Saturday Morning Confusion #17

Posted July 19, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, a lot of confusion about stuff like climate change, evolution, and a whole bunch of other scientific issues lately! This article discusses how equal time is not really appropriate for a clearly false or uninformed position! The metaphor that a coin has two sides is a powerful one, and the temptation to look at […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies #672

Posted July 20, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland. Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision. Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision. Canadians: Negative. You will […]

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General

The Hitler Parody Video the New Brunswick Liberals Don’t Want You To See!

Posted September 20, 2014 by David Akin

New Brunswickers vote Monday in their 38th general election. They will decided either to keep incumbent Premier David Alward and his Progressive Conservative government or choose Liberal Brian Gallant as their new premier. Only PCs and Liberals had seats in the legislature at dissolution but the NDP, led by Dominic Cardy, believe they have a […]

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Allan's Perspective

Now see here!

Posted August 15, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively […]

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Allan's Perspective

A Royal Pain!

Posted June 22, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Oh the burden of being ROYALTY! The monarchy has defended the cost of refurbishing a Kensington Palace apartment for Prince William, his wife Catherine and their baby son Prince George. A royal spokesman did not confirm the seven-figure cost — reportedly at £4 million — for repairs and refurbishments, but said the royal couple had […]

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Comedy

You should go see ‘Rulers of the Universe’ at Toronto Fringe

Posted June 17, 2014 by Justin Beach

I’ll be the first to admit that Toronto has too many sketch troops. If there was a tax on sketch comedy, Rob Ford could build a subway to his cottage. If sketch troops were banned, traffic congestion would immediately end. Personally, I blame Second City for it. With that said, the law of averages says
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Allan's Perspective

Let’s get to The Source!

Posted July 23, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

A couple of notes about the left and right wing media here in Canada this morning. (By right wing, I mean, of course, Sun News and Sun TV, while left wing is just about everybody else!) Although I don’t hear cries of “hidden agenda” lately, left wing coverage of the Conservatives, and especially Harper, continues […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies #79

Posted September 28, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

A few different views of marriage! It’s Nice to Have a Husband By Your Side Over the years, When the sink overflowed, Or the car ran out of gas, Or the lady who comes every Tuesday to clean didn’t come, Or I felt pudgy, Or misunderstood, Or inferior to Marilyn Kaufman who is not only […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies #70

Posted August 17, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Our teacher asked me what my favorite animal was, and I said, “Fried chicken.” She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said […]

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