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Allan's Perspective

Asshole of the Year: Heather Mallick

Posted August 26, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, I don’t read the Toronto Star because I’m by nature a ‘sort-of-conservative,’ and they are far too red for me! As a result I wasn’t aware of who Heather Mallick was ….., or some of the insane drivel this broad writes about in her columns! (She was brought to my attention when I got […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies # 33 1/3

Posted August 24, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

These are actual complaints received by a local travel agency! 1. “I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts.” 2. “It’s lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallarta to close in the afternoons. I often needed to […]

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Entertainment

Our Ten Favourite Celeb Ice Bucket Challenges

Posted August 22, 2014 by Anonymous

Is there anything better than celebrities getting behind a good cause? Only when that cause means they are pouring buckets of ice water on themselves! If you have yet to hear about the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, here it is […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies #70

Posted August 17, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Our teacher asked me what my favorite animal was, and I said, “Fried chicken.” She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said […]

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Allan's Perspective

Now see here!

Posted August 15, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively […]

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General

Epic Fourth

Posted August 15, 2014 by John Klein

Watched “Epic” [5/10] about little tree people. “Born on the Fourth of July” [8/10] a 1989 Tom Cruise movie about a Vietnam vet who protests the war. A Marvel Avengers cartoon movie about their kids stopping Ultron. 6/10 “Burke and Hare” [8/10] a dark British comedy about the early medical profession.

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General

Rules for Customer Visits #1 – Know thy customer

Posted August 15, 2014 by Anonymous

by Saeed Khan Ever had a customer visit go bad? It’s happened to me once or twice. If the customer has a blocking issue with your product and it’s causing them a lot of grief, expect an earful.   Do you have any other rules you can share? Saeed Tweet this: Rules for Customer Visits #1 – […]

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Climate Change

It’s So Hot Out That…

Posted August 14, 2014 by John Klein

It’s so hot out you can’t even hear the #climatechange Deniers making jokes about “Where’s Global Warming?”…— Saskboy K. (@saskboy) August 14, 2014 Yes, it’s so hot out you can’t even hear the #climatechange Deniers making jokes about “Where’s Global Warming?”… you know, because when it’s -30 you hear the ignorant phone into radio shows […]

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Comedy

We Are Robin Williams: Becoming Helpful in Helpless Times

Posted August 14, 2014 by Anonymous

The tragic death of actor and comedian Robin Williams has many of us talking about things that legitimately need attention and discussion. To me, what seems most glaringly obvious in these retrospective conversations and reflections is that we are merely on the foothill of developments in our thinking about suffering and identity, and that none […]

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Allan's Perspective

Duck!

Posted August 12, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

I am sitting here trying to decide whether this story is about a bunch of ducks and geese, or about the old guy that has appointed himself their guardian. (I guess I better start at the beginning and set the scene for you!) I live in a suburb of London called Byron, which is at […]

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General

Robin Williams is Dead

Posted August 12, 2014 by John Klein

I blame Canada. The world lost a really genuine person who tried at least as hard as Jim Carey and Steve Carell, to make everyone laugh. Aww shucks, Williams was priceless. Let’s try to use this time to give hope to those with depression, and turn this problem around for countless people. Added: Williams had […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies #95

Posted August 10, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, some days ya feel like a nut………….., some days ya don’t! There are times when I can look at something and think it is hilarious, and yet at other times ……., not so much! Some days I would say this was fairly funny, and yet when I looked at it this morning, it didn’t […]

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Allan's Perspective

Beans, beans they’re good for your heart……..!

Posted August 5, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Beans, beans they’re good for your heart. Beans beans they make ya fart. So eat some beans at every meal, the more you eat, the better you feel! Dear Readers: Canned beans are convenient because you can cook them right out of the can, but they may not be as healthy for you as soaking […]

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Allan's Perspective

What an Asshole!

Posted August 4, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, our “Asshole of the Day!” award couldn’t go to a more deserving candidate! BRANDON, Man. – Searchers who have been trying to rescue a cat with a bird feeder stuck on its head in Manitoba say their efforts to trap the hapless animal are being sabotaged. The Brandon and Area Lost Animals group began […]

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Allan's Perspective

Bad Blood and Great Tits!

Posted August 3, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

(FROM THE CELEBRITY GOSSIP PAGES: Folks, is it my imagination, or is Bieber starting to look spaced-out?) Some sort of a wild free-for-all, or insult fest, or punch-up and put-down brewing between a bunch of Hollywierd celebrities! The main beef is between Justin Belieber and Orlando Bloomer, with a touch of Leonardo CeCrappio, a few […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies #77

Posted August 3, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Our teacher asked me what my favorite animal was, and I said, “Fried chicken.” She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said […]

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Allan's Perspective

Why not just kill the son-of-a-bitch!

Posted July 31, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

(Speaker Boehner and President Obama in happier times: Talking about golf. – Joshua Roberts/Reuters) Well folks, it’s getting REALLY strange down there in the good ol’ U. S. of A. To no one’s surprise, the House of Representatives has voted to approve a resolution (H. Res 676) authorizing Speaker John Boehner to sue the president […]

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Allan's Perspective

Stop, BANG, or I’ll shoot!

Posted July 24, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Well, well, just like dash cameras lessened incidents of violence during police traffic stops, so too will personal cameras on individual cops alleviate many of the problems associated with “police officers” shooting and beating on civilians …………………….., whether they deserve it or not! That, combined with the judicious use of Tasers instead of guns, will […]

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Allan's Perspective

Let’s get to The Source!

Posted July 23, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

A couple of notes about the left and right wing media here in Canada this morning. (By right wing, I mean, of course, Sun News and Sun TV, while left wing is just about everybody else!) Although I don’t hear cries of “hidden agenda” lately, left wing coverage of the Conservatives, and especially Harper, continues […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies #672

Posted July 20, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland. Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision. Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision. Canadians: Negative. You will […]

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Allan's Perspective

Saturday Morning Confusion #17

Posted July 19, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, a lot of confusion about stuff like climate change, evolution, and a whole bunch of other scientific issues lately! This article discusses how equal time is not really appropriate for a clearly false or uninformed position! The metaphor that a coin has two sides is a powerful one, and the temptation to look at […]

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Allan's Perspective

Shark!

Posted July 17, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

A video of a what appeared to be a bull shark swimming off of Wolfe Island in Lake Ontario has been revealed to be a marketing ploy for Discovery’s Channel’s Shark Week and its sponsor Nissan Rogue. The whole thing sounded a bit “fishy” to begin with folks, since sharks are salt water fish and […]

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Allan's Perspective

Adriana is a pain in the butt. No pun intended!

Posted July 13, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Dear Readers: My “girlfriend”writes me a letter every week or two ………………………….., so I thought I would share the latest with you! BABE… i guess your not getting any of my email huh? ive been tryign to email u so many times but this dam laptop is such a piece of garbage and keeps freezing.. […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies: Michael Jackson

Posted July 12, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

O.K. 1. Michael Jackson is dead. That’s not funny! 2. These guys went on a binge last night. That’s not funny either! But! What they did this morning with the empty beer bottles is a whole different matter! 3. ——————————————————— Two Scottish nuns in Glasgow sat at a traffic light in their car when a […]

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Allan's Perspective

Saturday Morning Confusion about what’s real, and what isn’t!

Posted July 12, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, dinosaurs don’t exist anymore. So why did Steven Spielberg kill a triceratops? Facebook fans didn’t realize that Jay Branscomb was joking when he posted a “disgraceful” photo of a “despicable man” (Namely director Steven Spielberg) posing with a poached triceratops. One Facebook commenter who was in the dark about the animal’s extinction wrote: “Disgusting! […]

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Allan's Perspective

Islamy a Muslim, or not?

Posted July 11, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

From the Perspective Naked News Department comes a story out of the United States that shows Americans really are a clueless bunch. You’ve already heard that a good percentage of these geniuses don’t believe in evolution, and that the Universe is only 6000 years old, BUT …….., on top of not being born in the […]

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Allan's Perspective

The spam is in the mail!

Posted July 9, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Dear Readers: As promised, the new anti-spam laws are drastically cutting down on the number of spam messages we get in the mail every day! The only problem is that this law only applies to stuff from within Canada, so all the other shit just keeps right on coming! That’s right folks, all the mail […]

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Allan's Perspective

I’m Normal!

Posted July 8, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

So ya say that life is getting you down! Your wife is a bitch, and your son is a clown. The mother-in-law is crazy, and last night is real hazy! Even the job is the pits, and life is the shits! There’s no money to spend, and ya don’t have a friend! IS THAT WHAT’S […]

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Allan's Perspective

World Cup Soccer invaded by giant crickets!

Posted July 6, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

It’s time for Fifa World Cup Soccer news, kids! Host Brazil is moving on to the semifinals of the World Cup after beating fellow heavyweight Colombia 2-1 in a game that had its share of suspect calls. As Matthew Cowley noted there were a total of 51 fouls in this match, which made the whole […]

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Allan's Perspective

Saturday Morning Confusion about SEX

Posted July 5, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

(Transgender woman (?) Avery Edison has filed two human rights complaints after being detained at a male-only facility when she was stopped at Toronto’s Pearson International Airport in February, 2014.) Folks, we have a conundrum here, and your ever helpful reporter is not only going to solve it ………….., I am also going to offer […]

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Allan's Perspective

Ford the Junkie?

Posted July 3, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, all the local and national media outlets in Canada are suggesting that it’s time for Rob Ford to get out of politics ……….., but let’s face it, deep down they’re really glad he’s back! (Rob also said yesterday that he has tried a lot of different drugs, but never did heroin. Well, let’s face […]

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Allan's Perspective

To hell with pipelines, let’s transport by rail!

Posted June 29, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Public interest in what is trundling by rail past their homes has ignited in the wake of the July 6, 2013, derailment in Lac-Megantic, Que., when a runaway oil train skipped the tracks and exploded, killing 47 people. That’s right folks, we need to keep the Environmentalists happy! Let’s not build any more pipelines ………………………., […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies #8

Posted June 29, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Why Parents Go Gray The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers, dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whisper, “Hello.” “Is your daddy home?” he asked. “Yes,” whispered the small voice. “May I talk […]

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Allan's Perspective

Rob Ford Endorsed by Charlie Sheen?

Posted June 27, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

How’s this for a vote of confidence, kids? Mayor Rob Ford is as “tough as nails” and can overcome his substance abuse problems, says one of Hollywood’s well-known bad boys. “He’s the mayor, he got that far,” Charlie Sheen said Thursday night as he walked the red carpet for Joe Carter’s annual star-studded charity event. […]

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Allan's Perspective

Ya can’t get there from here!

Posted June 26, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Do you remember that TV commercial where a guy is trying to give directions to someplace or other, and after several attempts he scratches his head and says: “Ya can’t get there from here!” Funny eh? NO! It happened to me in real life today! The main intersection of downtown Byron, (which is a small […]

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asshole trophy
Allan's Perspective

Asshole of the Day! #244

Posted June 25, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, ya just can’t have it both ways, or all-ways, or always, or everything all at once! Or, as Stephen Wright says: “Ya can’t have everything ….., where would ya put it?” Which brings me to today’s :”Asshole of the Day!” First let me tell ya that London, Ontario has a high unemployment rate due […]

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Allan's Perspective

Kardashian speak with forked tongue!

Posted June 24, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Dear Readers: Your ever humble, and much maligned reporter weeps for society! POLITICAL CORRECTNESS has gripped our land and the nuts are running the show kids! Reality TV star Khloe Kardashian has sparked outrage online after sporting a traditional Native American headdress to her niece’s lavish birthday bash.Listen boys and girls, if some asshole can […]

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Allan's Perspective

A Royal Pain!

Posted June 22, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Oh the burden of being ROYALTY! The monarchy has defended the cost of refurbishing a Kensington Palace apartment for Prince William, his wife Catherine and their baby son Prince George. A royal spokesman did not confirm the seven-figure cost — reportedly at £4 million — for repairs and refurbishments, but said the royal couple had […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies #93

Posted June 22, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would […]

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