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Allan's Perspective

First he is, then he ain’t, now he is again!

Posted August 19, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Though very much alive, Donald Miller Jr. is still legally a dead man … and yet now his daughters are being hit up for $47,000 in Social Security benefits they received as teens because of his death, the AP reports. It all started when Miller, a jobless alcoholic at the time, went missing in the […]

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Allan's Perspective

Now see here!

Posted August 15, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively […]

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Allan's Perspective

He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother?

Posted August 15, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

WELL FOLKS, THE GREAT DEBATE OVER WHAT IS POLITICALLY INCORRECT, AND WHAT IS JUST PLAIN MEAN, CONTINUES! All this stuff about what is proper, and what is NOT, is going from the ridiculous to the sublime, folks! Don’t believe me, READ ON: – - – This article was sent in to the Naked News Department! […]

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Allan's Perspective

Traffic snarl!

Posted August 14, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

I heard about the truck that smashed into the Burlington Skyway and threatened to close it down indefinitely, but I never realized just how bad the damage was until I got these photographs from my friend Wayne! It’s not just some minor damage and I am amazed that they could fix it as fast as […]

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Beliefs and Causes

This land is my land!

Posted August 13, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Well folks, it looks as if there is a shaky truce between Hamas and Israel. How long it will last is anyone’s guess, but this is what we know so far: CAIRO (AP) — Israel and Hamas agreed to extend a temporary cease-fire for five days, Egyptian and Palestinian officials announced Wednesday, potentially averting renewed […]

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Allan's Perspective

Expendable! Or just past their due-date?

Posted August 12, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

The Expendables 3, the third entry in Sylvester Stallone’s action movie old folks home which has been distracting us with its very crowded poster, comes out this weekend. The film itself looks like a shrug-worthy, gun-laden action B-movie that would barely be acknowledged if not for its ridiculous cast of action superstars, past and present, […]

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Allan's Perspective

This is not Yogi Bear!

Posted August 11, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

A quick-thinking walker in Canada survived a black bear attack last week by grabbing hold of its tongue and not letting go. Gilles Cyr said: “His mouth was wide open right in front of my face so the last thing I remember I had his tongue in my hand and I didn’t want to let […]

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Allan's Perspective

Republicans finally have a cause!

Posted August 10, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Sen. Lindsey Graham, R-S.C., listens to other Senators speak on Capitol Hill in Washington, during a news conference on the violence in the Mideast. ( AP FILE PHOTO) Well folks, IT WASN’T THE FACT THAT HE IS BLACK! It wasn’t his birthplace. It wasn’t his religion. It wasn’t the economy. It wasn’t Obamacare! It wasn’t […]

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Allan's Perspective

Saturday Morning Confusion: A sane and sober solution?

Posted August 9, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Oh, another Saturday and I’m so confused! In typical left wing fashion, the Toronto Star did a front page commentary on the situation in Gaza! Hidden deep inside the article was this one paragraph:HOWEVER, the rest of this lengthy discourse went on and on about what a bunch of shits the Israelis were! Not a […]

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Allan's Perspective

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

Posted August 8, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

ANOTHER REASON NOT TO LIVE IN WINNIPEG, KIDS! It may be the middle of summer, but in Winnipeg, a little shred of winter just won’t go away. A filthy, muddy, massive snow pile has defied the seasons and survived the summer heat at the Kenaston snow dump site on the edge of the city. The […]

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Allan's Perspective

Justin Trudeau is now a Mooslim!

Posted August 6, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Well, the kid put his foot in it this time! Last Friday Trudeau went to prayers at a Montreal Mosque, and did the same thing I do when I go to Sunday Mass with my wife………………, ya sit down with everybody, ya stand up with everybody, bow with everybody, turn left and then right with […]

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Allan's Perspective

How do you say shit in French!

Posted August 5, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, I gotta tell ya, when I read this I just COULDN’T leave it alone because this is the biggest pile of shit I have heard in years!! Parrot removed from Montreal Biodome after learning too much English! MONTREAL – The Montreal Biodome’s Scarlet macaw will be deported to the Toronto Zoo next Friday after […]

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Allan's Perspective

What an Asshole!

Posted August 4, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, our “Asshole of the Day!” award couldn’t go to a more deserving candidate! BRANDON, Man. – Searchers who have been trying to rescue a cat with a bird feeder stuck on its head in Manitoba say their efforts to trap the hapless animal are being sabotaged. The Brandon and Area Lost Animals group began […]

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Allan's Perspective

Tits up on the pavement!

Posted August 1, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Tits up on the pavement! (With thanks to Kelly Jay and “Crowbar!”) Yup, that’s what you would expect …………….., but the little bastard is making better time than when I did that trip many years ago! A talking robot hitchhiking its way across Canada is taking a rest in Toronto. The Hitchbot left Halifax on […]

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Allan's Perspective

Why not just kill the son-of-a-bitch!

Posted July 31, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

(Speaker Boehner and President Obama in happier times: Talking about golf. – Joshua Roberts/Reuters) Well folks, it’s getting REALLY strange down there in the good ol’ U. S. of A. To no one’s surprise, the House of Representatives has voted to approve a resolution (H. Res 676) authorizing Speaker John Boehner to sue the president […]

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Allan's Perspective

The Hitchhiker!

Posted July 30, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Kyle Sauvé, left, Keith Campbell and Jean-Pierre Brien pick up hitchBOT from the couple that travelled with the hitchhiking robot from Halifax to New Brunswick. The robot’s creators hope it can bum rides all the way to Victoria. A ROBOT IS HITCHHIKING ACROSS CANADA, KIDS! Bumming rides from a trio of road tripping dudes and […]

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Allan's Perspective

Now that’s progress!

Posted July 29, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Want to see how much progress we made in a century? This is a 1910 Ford automobile! (That’s only 104 years ago folks!) Show this to your friends, children and/or grandchildren! What a difference a century makes! Here are some statistics for the Year 1910: (applies to the USA) *********************************** The average life expectancy for […]

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Allan's Perspective

Nice, but not for you!

Posted July 28, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Yes kids, we are all going to hell in a hand-basket? Why a hand-basket, you ask? I have no idea, that’s just what everybody says! As you probably know by now, Comic-con was held this past weekend in San Diego, and this group of girls/women (?) showed up dressed like this! Aside from complaining that […]

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Allan's Perspective

YA CAN’T WIN FOR LOSING!

Posted July 27, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, I sometimes think I’m losing my mind! Just to show you how one sided all this politically correct bullshit is ……., they held a big (free) bar-b-que for about 15,000 Rob Ford supporters on the weekend and a bunch of malcontents and agitators from the LGBT community showed up to protest Rob Ford’s alleged […]

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Allan's Perspective

Stop, BANG, or I’ll shoot!

Posted July 24, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Well, well, just like dash cameras lessened incidents of violence during police traffic stops, so too will personal cameras on individual cops alleviate many of the problems associated with “police officers” shooting and beating on civilians …………………….., whether they deserve it or not! That, combined with the judicious use of Tasers instead of guns, will […]

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Allan's Perspective

Cougar or Pedophile?

Posted July 22, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

MPUMAALANGA, South Africa — At an age when most boys would be the ring bearer at a wedding, South African 9-year-old Sanele Masilela was the one walking down the aisle … to marry a 62-year-old woman for the second time. According to the South African Sunday Times, both families claim the wedding is simply a […]

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Allan's Perspective

Shark!

Posted July 17, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

A video of a what appeared to be a bull shark swimming off of Wolfe Island in Lake Ontario has been revealed to be a marketing ploy for Discovery’s Channel’s Shark Week and its sponsor Nissan Rogue. The whole thing sounded a bit “fishy” to begin with folks, since sharks are salt water fish and […]

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Allan's Perspective

Box Office Goes Bananas for Planet of the Apes!

Posted July 13, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Well I said I was going to see the movie ……………………….. and I did! It turned out to be exactly what I figured it would be, no more and no less, and that’s O.K. with me! —————————————- Quebec Report! Why Quebec is closed for business: La Belle Province comes close to dead last in almost […]

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Allan's Perspective

Saturday Morning Confusion about what’s real, and what isn’t!

Posted July 12, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, dinosaurs don’t exist anymore. So why did Steven Spielberg kill a triceratops? Facebook fans didn’t realize that Jay Branscomb was joking when he posted a “disgraceful” photo of a “despicable man” (Namely director Steven Spielberg) posing with a poached triceratops. One Facebook commenter who was in the dark about the animal’s extinction wrote: “Disgusting! […]

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Allan's Perspective

I’m Normal!

Posted July 8, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

So ya say that life is getting you down! Your wife is a bitch, and your son is a clown. The mother-in-law is crazy, and last night is real hazy! Even the job is the pits, and life is the shits! There’s no money to spend, and ya don’t have a friend! IS THAT WHAT’S […]

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Allan's Perspective

Saturday Morning Confusion about SEX

Posted July 5, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

(Transgender woman (?) Avery Edison has filed two human rights complaints after being detained at a male-only facility when she was stopped at Toronto’s Pearson International Airport in February, 2014.) Folks, we have a conundrum here, and your ever helpful reporter is not only going to solve it ………….., I am also going to offer […]

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Allan's Perspective

Happy Birthday!

Posted July 4, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

The first or the fourth, it’s all the same happy birthday folks! ——————————————- Drones have been banned from all national parks in the United States, according to new regulations established by U.S. government officials. The National Park Service (NPS), the government agency that manages the nation’s national parks, monuments and other historical sites, has outlawed […]

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Allan's Perspective

Ford the Junkie?

Posted July 3, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, all the local and national media outlets in Canada are suggesting that it’s time for Rob Ford to get out of politics ……….., but let’s face it, deep down they’re really glad he’s back! (Rob also said yesterday that he has tried a lot of different drugs, but never did heroin. Well, let’s face […]

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Allan's Perspective

Gay’s Just Don’t Know When to Quit!

Posted July 2, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, this is going to be short and sweet! While I personally have no feelings for, or against Gays, I am getting REALLY fed up with people trying to push their “Gay Agenda” on the rest of society! I stated in the past that I believe in equality for gays, and women, and kids,, and […]

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Allan's Perspective

A “view” of the future!

Posted June 30, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Perspective Research Department has done an extensive inquiry into the future of the “Google Glasses” and come up with a very probable scenario for these marvels of modern technology! Do ya remember Geordi’s visor on Star Trek? They will look something like that, only have what appears to be plain glass […]

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Allan's Perspective

To hell with pipelines, let’s transport by rail!

Posted June 29, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Public interest in what is trundling by rail past their homes has ignited in the wake of the July 6, 2013, derailment in Lac-Megantic, Que., when a runaway oil train skipped the tracks and exploded, killing 47 people. That’s right folks, we need to keep the Environmentalists happy! Let’s not build any more pipelines ………………………., […]

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Allan's Perspective

Rob Ford Endorsed by Charlie Sheen?

Posted June 27, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

How’s this for a vote of confidence, kids? Mayor Rob Ford is as “tough as nails” and can overcome his substance abuse problems, says one of Hollywood’s well-known bad boys. “He’s the mayor, he got that far,” Charlie Sheen said Thursday night as he walked the red carpet for Joe Carter’s annual star-studded charity event. […]

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Allan's Perspective

Ya can’t get there from here!

Posted June 26, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Do you remember that TV commercial where a guy is trying to give directions to someplace or other, and after several attempts he scratches his head and says: “Ya can’t get there from here!” Funny eh? NO! It happened to me in real life today! The main intersection of downtown Byron, (which is a small […]

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Allan's Perspective

Asshole of the Day! #244

Posted June 25, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, ya just can’t have it both ways, or all-ways, or always, or everything all at once! Or, as Stephen Wright says: “Ya can’t have everything ….., where would ya put it?” Which brings me to today’s :”Asshole of the Day!” First let me tell ya that London, Ontario has a high unemployment rate due […]

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Allan's Perspective

Why evolution has it rough in the States!

Posted June 24, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Dear Readers: If you ever wondered why the Unites States is going to hell in a hand basket……………., this might help explain it! This exchange between Bill Maher and Mark Pryor, the Democratic Senator from Arkansas, appeared on 9gag.com. You can watch the extract, which was recorded in 2009, here, and the full interview here. Make sure […]

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Allan's Perspective

Kardashian speak with forked tongue!

Posted June 24, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Dear Readers: Your ever humble, and much maligned reporter weeps for society! POLITICAL CORRECTNESS has gripped our land and the nuts are running the show kids! Reality TV star Khloe Kardashian has sparked outrage online after sporting a traditional Native American headdress to her niece’s lavish birthday bash.Listen boys and girls, if some asshole can […]

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Allan's Perspective

Sunday Morning Funnies #93

Posted June 22, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would […]

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Allan's Perspective

Saturday Morning Confusion: Pius or Queer?

Posted June 20, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, I’m terribly confused and conflicted this morning! During the past week I have been bombarded by Islamic ideology and learned how certain groups are hell bent on converting everyone to Islam, and making them good little Muslims. I’ve been told that ‘Sharia’ will be the future ‘rule of law’ for both Muslims and non-Muslims […]

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Allan's Perspective

Dick Cheney is a real Dick!

Posted June 20, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Folks, I have said many times in the past that Dick Cheney is one person who who actually scares me! I can’t say he is totally evil since I don’t believe in the devil, but there is something fundamentally NASTY about him! And, after the disasters he got the United States into during Bush’s term, […]

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Allan's Perspective

U.S. Invades Victoria!

Posted June 15, 2014 by Allan W Janssen

Dear Readers: Victoria has a lot of tourists this weekend thanks to a visit from one of the world’s largest warships. The USS Nimitz is anchored near the Canadian navy base in Esquimalt near B.C.’s capital. The Nimitz is stopping in Victoria this weekend before conducting trials and testing at the Canadian military’s test range […]

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